Tantra

Are you feeling bored and looking for that next high?

Would you like to shift from seeking to feeling fulfillment?

We live in a culture of desiring more and more. We’re encouraged to seek happiness in new relationships, exciting careers, fresh adventures, and material possessions. Esther Perel speaks to this modern phenomenon: where once we left jobs or relationships because we were unhappy, now we leave because we believe we could be happier.

But here’s the twist: the ecstasy you’re searching for isn’t hiding in external changes. As Margot Anand beautifully puts it:

“Ecstasy is already within you. You need not look for it outside.”

The truth is, living ecstatically isn’t about chasing adrenaline highs or peak experiences—it’s about awakening to the richness of what’s already here.

You may have heard that before. I had for years, and now I live it, knowing that at any moment, I can feel ecstatic. I can choose the way I feel and not need my environment to make me happy.

Why Routine Feels Anti-Ecstatic

Routines are the backbone of security, but they can stifle our creativity and desire. In relationships especially, routine can dull the spark, making life feel predictable and monotonous.

Variety, or the allure of “newness,” stirs our senses and awakens eros—the life force that fuels passion and vitality.

But before you rush to change everything, consider this:

What if newness doesn’t require leaving, changing, or escaping? What if it’s a shift in perception?

Here is an invitation to explore how this works.

Cultivate Newness: Rediscover the Moment

When was the last time you truly joined a moment with fresh eyes?

Imagine watching a movie you’ve seen before. One approach is to anticipate each scene, disengaged and half-bored. Another is to dive in, noticing subtle layers you missed before. Relationships, routines, and everyday life are no different.

“Life has limitless layers. The art is to live the exact moment a thousand times and see it as a unique experience.”

Here’s a practice to try:

Join Each Moment Exercise

  1. Pick an object in your home—a chair, a mug, or a plant.
  2. Pretend you’re seeing it for the first time.
  3. Observe its color, texture, and how light dances on its surface.
  4. Ask yourself: What’s new here?

When we bring this beginner’s mind to relationships and life, newness becomes abundant.

The Science of Newness

Did you know that novelty stimulates dopamine, the brain chemical linked to pleasure and motivation? This isn’t about chasing the new—it’s about breaking mental patterns that keep us stuck in autopilot.

Example: Think of a song you adore. You could listen to it a thousand times and still feel its magic. Why? Because your presence keeps it alive.

J.O.Y. – Join, Open, Yield

Living ecstatically invites us to:

  1. Join each moment: Let go of what you think you know.
  2. Open to the unexpected: Curiosity fuels connection.
  3. Yield to what’s here: Surrender the need for “better” and savor the now.

An Invitation to Awaken

Ecstasy doesn’t mean life is perfect—it means life is alive. You don’t need a new job, a different partner, or a bigger house to feel it. You need only to embrace this truth:

“You will never again be here. Every moment holds the promise of birth and death—a once-in-a-lifetime experience if we allow it.”

So, how will you meet this moment?

We invite you to watch our recent free masterclass:

>>>The Art of Ecstasy: 3 Steps to Transcend Routine

Move from mundane routines to a life rich with wonder, presence, and fulfillment.

We were interviewed by Shana James on the Man Alive podcast, where we discussed Tantra, and the incredible ways it can bring more aliveness, pleasure and intimacy to your life and love life.

The Man Alive podcast is a series of bold, raw and gritty conversations with experts on success, power, sex, love, and legacy. She works with men to find their unique power, confidence and clarity, so they stop settling in life and love.

Shana attended one of our Love Passionately weekend retreats and was excited to let more people know what we do.

In our featured episode we delve into:

  • What a Tantric dynamic is and what Tantra adds to relationships and one’s life
  • Conflict resolution and love making
  • How to create sacred space and use it for everything from decision making, confHow to make a NO as sexy as a YES
  • The anti-ecstatic conspiracy
  • Catching the stories and ideas we hold against each other in relationships
  • How to learn to receive more
You can listen to the interview on:
iTunes Spotify Google TuneIn  iHeart Radio 

Maintaining a long-term, loving, and satisfying sexual relationship is no easy feat. It requires attention and care. This newsletter delves into common pitfalls that disrupt loving connections.

Have you ever hesitated to try again because you felt like you couldn’t get it right? Or refrained from opening up to your partner because you felt unmet, unseen, or unheard?

These feelings often underlie a lack of desire or fulfillment in the bedroom, manifesting as contraction, fear, disempowerment, or defensiveness.

One approach Thomas and I have found helpful in navigating sexual difficulties is committing to no criticism in the bedroom. We prioritize building each other up and honoring the vulnerability required to express our seductive, playful, passionate selves in an intimate space.

Of course, this doesn’t mean ignoring discomfort or dislikes. It’s crucial to communicate desires and boundaries.

But how can we communicate in a way that doesn’t hinder our partner’s pleasure?

Many couples fear spoiling the mood by offering suggestions during sex. Our culture often perpetuates the belief that we should instinctively know what our partner wants. However, lovemaking is a collaborative act of co-creation, requiring open communication and flexibility to adapt to each moment’s nuances.

If you’ve never talked about your sex life, one way to begin is by discussing the experience afterward, sharing three things you enjoyed and asking your partner the same.

Approach feedback positively, focusing on what’s going well before suggesting adjustments. Instead of saying “I don’t like that,” offer guidance like, “I love that soft touch; now would you try stroking in a circular motion?”

Consider a case we’re currently working on: a man yearning to reconnect with his wife intimately after seven years of no more than hugs and kisses. Despite once having a satisfactory sex life, they drifted apart after having children. Now, he feels immense pressure, as any attempt at intimacy is met with criticism. How do you think this affects his desire for intimacy?

Similarly, another woman shared her experience of being pushed away and labeled “over-sexual” when initiating sex. Criticizing our partner’s desire can stifle passion and freedom, inhibiting pleasure.

Instead, let’s find something to affirm: “I love your desire; you look incredibly sexy right now. Unfortunately, I have a work meeting, so let’s plan for tomorrow.” Rather than making our partners wrong for their desires, celebrate them and suggest a better time.

Keep the flame alive with texts, notes, and flirting until you can be together.

You might believe that people should be able to handle criticism, but research by relationship expert John Gottman suggests otherwise. His findings indicate that the ratio of one negative remark to five positive comments and interactions predicts relationship happiness.

Have you ever noticed how, even in the absence of explicit criticism, we might perceive it in a pause, tone, or “that look?” We sometimes laugh at the absurdities of what we make up from our partner’s unsaid expressions. Ya gotta laugh.

Shame and self-judgment are often our worst enemies.

If we’re primed to expect criticism, we’ll find it, even in silence.

When we lead with love and acceptance, criticism has less bite for ourselves and for life.

As we navigate the complexities of intimacy, let’s remember the transformative power of love and understanding. By prioritizing open communication, celebrating desire, and fostering a supportive environment, we can cultivate deeper connections and enriching sexual experiences with our partners. Let’s embrace each moment with openness and compassion, knowing that in love, there is endless potential for growth and fulfillment.

Sending love,

Sara & Thomas (SatchiJo) Stout

We had the pleasure of being guests on the Super States: Practices of TRANCE-formation Podcast hosted by Joshua Peters.

In this episode, titled “Exploring Tantra for Personal Growth with Sara and Thomas Stout,” we delved into the transformative practices of Tantra and its profound potential for personal growth.

You can listen to the podcast episode here:

 

During our conversation with Joshua, we covered a range of topics that can offer valuable insights into Tantra and its benefits:

  • Understanding the essence of Tantra and its principles
  • Exploring SkyDancing Tantra and its unique approach
  • Discovering the three keys to ecstasy within Tantra
  • Unveiling the two fundamental tools of Tantra practice
  • Exploring how Tantra strengthens trust on multiple levels
  • Learning ways to initiate body-based practices for personal growth
  • Simple practices that invite more aliveness into your life
  • Exploring Tantra both individually and within the context of partnership
  • Guidance on determining if Tantra aligns with your personal journey

We believe this podcast episode serves as a valuable overview of Tantra for those curious about its potential.

Want to know a Super Hot Turn-On?
One of the hottest and most long-standing turn-ons – is being met.

The first time Thomas and I met each other, I felt that he was too intense. I lacked confidence and thought I would not stand up for what was important to me. Our balance was off.

The opposite, having a partner who was a pushover, was not satisfying either. Being with someone who was grounded in their truth and had enough backbone to stand up to me was a turn-on. 

With my growing confidence and force as a woman, I didn’t want to worry about overshadowing my partner or in any way, needing to stay small.

I wanted someone who could handle all of me, my crazy ideas, my full expression and passion, and expand and grow with me.

It wasn’t until five years after our original meeting, when our paths crossed again that I loved how Thomas “met me.” I could be big, strong, passionate, expressive, and he didn’t get small and crumble.

And, it’s hard to admit, but I appreciated that he didn’t put up with my shit, like when I was over-controlling (don’t tell him). Or when I undermined my potential.

He met me:
Emotionally:
• Lovingly supported me to express myself honestly, vulnerably, and accountably.
• When we began to sweat the small stuff, he’d lighten the mood. Or if I’d try to minimize something important, Thomas would kindly listen for the deeper truth.

Intellectually:
• Inspired new thoughts and continued personal growth.

Spirituality:
• Respectfully challenged me to believe in myself.
• Considered higher consciousness and the greater good.

Physically and sexually:
• Playfully wrestled with me, often ending in a passionate love fest.
• Sensitively moved us beyond mediocrity and kept us out of ruts.
• Reliably held me in his masculine power, allowing me to surrender into receptivity.

Being met balances power and surrender, yang and yin.

How do you like to be met?
Do you like slow, gentle caresses?
Or do you like to be ravished intensely and feel the strength of your lover?
And possibly a combination of softness and firmness turns you on.

Most of us need to feel met to feel passion. We want to feel our partner responds to our level of intensity and challenges us.

After 35 years together, I still love feeling the strength of Thomas’ body against me, his grip that matches my heat.

From Thomas’ side, he says,
“When I start to go down a rabbit hole, Sara listens to my struggle but doesn’t go down with me.

When we feel secure in our relationship, we have more intense play. She may not go skydiving with me, but she’s there as a support, watching and cheering me on.”

How are you meeting yourself?

Are you communicating your range of needs in your life?

What are you waiting for?

The right moment, a sign, a companion, enough money, free time, or to not feel nervous?

Waiting is one of the quickest paths to regret. 

During our recent conversation on our tandem bike (where we often appreciate our life and each other the most), I told Thomas that I feel no regrets with him. That is not an easy state to achieve together. It takes a lot of intention and coordination of multiple desires.

Of course, like any long-term relationship, there are still harsh tones and words I wish I hadn’t said or affections I wish I had expressed, but primarily, my hopes and dreams feel fulfilled. There are no looming unmet needs.

Living fully in the moment is an essential tool for a happy life. 

For many years, we could not have said we were living without regrets.

It was easier to focus on why I couldn’t do or have something rather than be living as much as possible. When I thought I was waiting for more money and more free time, what I was waiting for – was to trust life. I didn’t believe in abundance or that I deserved to receive what I wanted.

Tantra helped me listen to my desires and dreams and live in a state of trust and abundance. I could also access the feeling of joy and pleasure around me and within me throughout my day.

I wasn’t waiting for something outside myself to make me happy.

This week, as I recoat our wooden kitchen counter, I am struck by how much I enjoy the golden color and glistening grain. My fingers in the soil weeding the flower bed feels so nourishing. I pause and appreciate all the greens, yellows, and colorful leaves just budding.

We know it can feel like we’re waiting for our time to travel or do what we want when our children or work can be consuming. But even with a busy schedule, there are choices for fulfillment.

Thomas has been my best teacher for making time for pleasure. When we had little babies, I was up to my elbows in diapers and didn’t think I had time for myself, he persuaded me to take a night off each week to take an art class. Coming home happy and excited gave me energy for the rest of the week. And for him.

Having future dreams and intentions doesn’t mean you are waiting. It means focusing on what you have and trusting that joy will happen or can happen as it becomes more important than our current choices. Thomas wants to work less so he can bike and relax more. I’d love to have more time for writing and art.

Is it time to no longer wait?

Can the answer be Now?

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and not have lived. 

“The one that can not do something is not the real you.”

~ Margot Anand

 

Carpe diem ~ Seize the moment.

By Sara Stout

In most Tantra programs, there are opportunities for pleasure, fun, community, and personal growth.

What makes SkyDancing® Tantra stand out?

SkyDancing Tantra supports higher, conscious living from which a sense of freedom and full self-expression flourishes. Some Tantra schools have a reputation for wildness and hedonistic activities. Others are meditative and dismiss the body. SkyDancing supports the body and consciousness. Freedom without consciousness can lead to harmful choices. When one develops tools of awareness beyond the mind, they are less likely to compromise their boundaries but instead, stay on their truly aligned path and find their grounded freedom and ecstasy.

People love Margot Anand and her books. Margot is world-renowned author and teacher who brought Tantra to the west and has made it accessible to everyone through her step-by-step methods. It’s a gift to receive Margot’s transmissions through SkyDancing teachers.

SkyDancing Tantra is a well-established Institute, supporting students for over 32 years. It teaches ancient Tantric practices and incorporates modern-day cultural and psychological considerations.

People trust SkyDancing Tantra for its high ethical integrity. 
In the world of programs on sexuality and spirituality, it is tragic how many other institutes have received reports of abuse of power and sexual violations, SkyDancing Tantra Institutes are highly respected and trusted around the world. And the institute continues learning the most current trauma-informed practices and refines its policies as needed.

When people want maturity, they appreciate the depth of teaching and accessibility for all ages and diversity.

Spirituality is supported on this path of awakening.
SkyDancing Tantra invites individual expression of spirituality and holds reverence for all of life and human existence. Oneness is the basic principle and through awareness and vitality one awakens to wholeness and a non-separate sense of self.

All relationship configurations are supported. 
Whether wanting to dive deep into profound intimacy as a couple or explore the expansion of self, alone or with others, all are welcome.

Feel the quality of heart-centered presence with SkyDancing Tantra. It is possible to experience profound acceptance and love more than you imagine.

Teachers receive extensive training for over three years and maintain their ongoing personal practice.

There are many reasons why SkyDancing Tantra is recognized at one of the premier Tantra Institutes. If you have any questions about the Institute the program, we welcome curiosity.

How does nudity and appreciation for our bodies fit into spirituality? Our recent trip to Europe reminded us of the historical impact.

Most of us learned about the origin of man and sensuality from Adam and Eve, how they covered themselves with fig leaves from shame and were cast out of the Garden of Eden. That is not a body-positive initiation. 

The Greeks and Romans revered the human form and depicted sexuality and sensuality in their artwork. 

As Christianity reigned strong through the 1400s, religious influence dominated, hiding the human body. The artwork showed Virgin Mary, Jesus, and biblical themes veiled in cloaks and surrounded by gold. 

Then, the Renaissance welcomed the human form as a representation of spirit from above or in nature. Most artists still depicted the separateness of spirituality from the body. It wasn’t until Michelangelo focused on the naked body as real beauty, as divine. 

I had the great pleasure of experiencing Michelangelo’s spectacular sculptures in Florence. I see how his artistry captures the magnificence of how we are meant to feel about all bodies. 

While we may not have the physique of Michelangelo’s David, we all have sensuous curves, sleekness, soft and supple skin, and unique beauty and presence. Through love, divinity is alive within our individual form, life, vitality, and existence. As everything is spirit, we are ultimately perfect.

” The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.”
~ Michelangelo Buonarotti

At the David exhibit, if it were not for the barriers, there would be no holding people back from the urge to caress and enjoy the sensuousness of David. Sculpted in his casual and confident gesture, we can relate to his achievement of taking down Goliath. Don’t we all wish to overcome enormous oppressive difficulties?

Beauty radiates through alignment with intention. 

I wonder if part of David’s magnificence was that Michelangelo was no longer under the rule of the powerful Medici and was free to sculpt what he desired. 

When we taste freedom, our creative force is limitless. 

What is the Goliath in your life that you need to slay? 

What would support you in feeling empowered and free?

How are you embracing your body?

I may not have all the historical facts correct, but I allow my creative expression as I feel inspired. 

Freedom waits not for perfection; it allows inspiration as the ever-evolving act of creation. 

May you celebrate the beautiful creation of you and your divine body. 

PS 

The best part of the trip was that my son, Jared, got to join me in Florence and Venice, Italy, while Thomas was in a workshop in Berlin. Sharing what I love, art and travel, with him was very special. Our favorite times were sunsets on the tops of the bell towers and gelato. 

By Sara

I have a very competitive spirit, coming from an athletic family, and especially trying to keep up with my three brothers. But this weekend, when my dad said I was “the best,” I had mixed feelings. First, I felt a gentle acknowledgment, followed by a wish that we were all better.

How have you told your loved ones that you love them?

My dad, Geno, has been going to a lot of funerals, and to his surprise, he often hears the positive impact he has had on the family’s lives as their neighbor, teacher, coach, or community activist.

Funerals are often the time when we acknowledge those that have passed. Why do we wait until they are gone to tell them what they mean to us?

Last week during one of my restless nights, I started thinking about what I love about my dad.

He has been a leader in his community, not a follower. Especially in the last ten years, he’s boldly taken a stand, been regularly published writing to the editor, and marched for months protesting for “Black Lives Matter.” He demonstrates that any discomfort he feels is worth getting his message out for the greater good.

His tall, thin stature, deep voice, and flair for fashion commands notice and respect. With the help of his daily exercises and stretches, you’d never guess he’s 88.

My dad’s desire to be attractive and manage his image was difficult for me when he wasn’t always kind about my weight or scraggly hair.

A redeeming factor is that I can tell him what upsets me. I appreciate that he is open to hearing from me. He listens, asks questions, apologizes (if appropriate), and is accountable. As a couples therapist, I know we all make mistakes and do things that hurt our loved ones. It’s how they make corrections and respond to confrontations that speaks to their character.

If actions speak louder than words, my dad has supported the underprivileged, racial diversity, fought for equality and humanitarianism.

My dad also tried to provide athletic opportunities for me and the girls in my school when they were limited. During my woodworking shop class, I made a laminated cutting board. It was his dad, my Grandpa, who said, “I didn’t know girls could do that.”

It’s one thing to say girls should have equal rights. It’s another thing to participate in historically traditional “women’s chores,” cooking, cleaning the house, laundry, and parenting. In so many ways, I can see that my dad has been such a support and inspiration.

Thomas woke up hearing my sniffles. “Are you okay?” he asked. “I love my dad so much,” I softly said.

I was excited to tell my dad and was glad we were together over the weekend. When I told him, he was touched. Exclaiming it was almost too much to take in.

When we reflected that we’re not that good at telling each other what we love, he said, “you’re the best.”

I wish we were all better. With Tantra, I have felt more connected to love and more comfortable speaking my feelings.

And lastly, another thing I love about my dad is his humor, but don’t tell him. He is a very punny guy.

 

By Sara Biewen Stout

Live in a state of curiosity and courageousness, be open to inquiring.

These are inspirations from one of our favorite books, The Way of Liberation by Adyashanti. 

If we open our awareness to what IS, instead of what we wish it was or what we want to make it, we live in a state of completeness. There is no need, no longing for something different. A sense of fullness satisfies our hunger in each moment.  

Through opening to inquiry, we expand our sensory input and allow the richness of life to flow in. 

Recall the innocence and curiosity of childhood. You may have been mesmerized by a bug or playing in a mud puddle. The rest of the world disappears. Nothing else matters. There is no right and wrong, no success or failure.

Free yourself to find comfort in not knowing. “I don’t know.”

Our expectations confine us on a path of fulfillment or disappointment. And do we ever reach complete satisfaction?

Live in a state of curiosity without judgment, without qualifying bad or good.

If your mind hijacks your experiences, invite inquiry within oneself. Come back to listening through expansiveness instead of hyper-focusing on details. 

Expand your field of awareness as if you are listening for the origin of the most precious sounds. But beyond hearing, include all of your senses – and being. Here you will find openness. And fullness in your expansiveness.

Take in awe of the whole night sky.

To be happy is to live as the unknown. Adyashanti

 

Photo by Fermin Rodriguez Penelas