Relationship

My life, as I have known it, is unravelling, is shifting and transforming at lightning speed. This past month a confluence of circumstances has collided and had me spinning in a new direction. To where?

For 21 years, I felt stuck in a job that, while it fulfilled my obsessive need for security, it stifled my full expression and passion. For years I couldn’t figure out how to let go of the corporate trap of income and medical insurance.

This job has also limited my travel and Tantra studies. Even though I was a magician, arranging chunks of time away, it became increasingly harder to meet the ridiculous productivity and performance standards, and I cared too much. It sucked the creativity and ability to thrive from my bones.

September was a whirlwind. First, an expansive trip studying and teaching SkyDancing Tantra in France and Belgium. It was such an honor to teach alongside Margot Anand, the founder of SkyDancing Tantra.

Thomas and I celebrated our 30th anniversary and 10 years since we started studying Tantra.

We were home for four days before we jumped back on the plane to achieve my dream of teaching, what I consider, one of the most life-changing experiences available. Cycle 1 of the Love and Ecstasy Training cracked me open ten years ago. And since then, an excitement awoke within me that is hard to contain.

Teaching this course was delayed 1 1/2 years due to Covid, so we were more than ready to gather in this magnificent energy and community of people who wished to evolve through this healing journey.

At the end of the week, during the final sharing circle, Thomas was in tears listening to all the beautiful stories of openings people experienced. Mika, my co-leader, and I were thrilled teaching in a forum that nurtured face-to-face, heart-to-heart, loving connection.

I knew my life was about to shift again.

After great consternation about how to put the time, money, and energy into promoting our Love Passionately online Coaching business three days before the LET course started, I made a brave choice to invest significantly in this dream. I wasn’t sure how it would fit together, but I knew I was more worried it would not ever happen.

The next day, I unexpectedly received notice that because of Covid, I would no longer be working for that organization that had provided comfort with security and had also held me back. My security was unravelling.

I felt both relieved and in shock. I had been asking for the Universe to help me decide about this job and manifest my dreams, so here it was, I received a kick in the ass and an open door simultaneously.

My friend, Vicki, said, “Sara, You’re letting go of the side of the pool, aren’t you?” Yes, I am! Although it feels more like I let go of a pier as I set sail, freely out to sea.

I still have my private practice and had to decide not to load up that schedule. It would be too easy to continue the same pattern by leaving one job and exchanging for a similar over-commitment, holding on to security in exchange for fulfillment.

My life has revolved around this intense schedule for so many years; what will it be like to no longer have to say, I can’t because I have to go to work? My schedule is unravelling.

I had dreamed of this freedom for years, and it’s truly hard to believe it’s here. I feel excited and nervous, wondering how it will play out?

Can I trust the universe and all the signs that this is my true path?

During my manifestation meditation practice this week, instead of guiding the process with my scripted steps, I let my chakras and body lead. It was astonishing to witness my body unravelling and unwinding as it twisted and contorted, stretching and releasing years of tension. I was in awe, watching how my body knows how to heal itself when I give it space. 

My life is unravelling from the ties that bind it. As I handed my boss my computer and badge, I was surprised that the anxiety that I had imagined would be there all these years was completely absent. I feel so high with the excitement of what is possible; I am buzzing!

Unravelling must occur before we can shape the bow we desire.

Thomas and I launched our first couples coaching program and love seeing the smiles and yumminess as these couples discover new ways of being together.

What will come from this long-overdue freedom?

~ By Sara

Have you celebrated love lately?

Maybe the love in your life is a pet, friend, or family member. That’s awesome you feel that connection with someone in your life. If you are blessed to have a romantic partner, millions of people long for what you have, and this blog is especially for you. We all want someone special to talk to, touch, give love, and receive love. When have you taken a moment to pause and acknowledge the preciousness of this gift?

You are blessed to experience this rare and glorious feeling. You hold the most sought after jewel,💎 the holy grail, and the fountain of youth.

People in relationships most often live longer, feel more satisfied, and are happier.

In what ways do you celebrate or take your love for granted?

Do you remember what you felt like before you found your love?

What was it like for you to seek love? Did you enjoy the chase? Was dating titillating? Did you find your time alone as easy, or did you struggle with loneliness? Some people love playing the field, get excited by the new relationship energy, and become quickly bored with routine.

For me, the dating scene was excruciatingly painful, and I felt totally inadequate. I cringe, recalling many desperate moments. What a relief I felt when I found who I thought was my perfect partner. Then, a month before the wedding, our engagement blew up. I found myself single again. Ugh!

After some time of grief and fighting off thoughts of giving up this relationship shit, I remember thinking, I don’t want to start all over dating with social niceties and sorting through people that were not a good fit. Maybe that’s why the universe brought Thomas back into my life, and the friendship that had begun 5 years earlier was quickly reestablished without that awkward dating phase. It took a while to move out of the friend-zone and appreciate how he meets me.

I can’t imagine not having someone to talk to every night or planning my weekends and vacations alone. I hold great respect for singles looking for their love partner and sadness for those in a loveless marriage.

Alone time is sweeter, with the taste of love still on one’s lips.

Disliking being single has been a motivator to work on our long-term commitment. Margot Anand, the Grandmother of Tantra, acknowledged that Thomas and I know a depth in our relationship that she has not experienced. There are many sexual adventures that Margot has indulged in that are foreign to us. And yet, we wouldn’t trade it.

What does deep love feel like?

Love is the womb that nurtures your heart ❤️

Love is the greatest treasure and the greatest mystery. We write the most songs about love, and it’s the primary subject for movies, poetry, and books. Wars are fought for love. Families are established or torn apart for love. About $20 billion is spent each Valentine’s Day in the USA.

Love is the greatest desire and drive. Yet, when you have it, how much time do you spend feeling love. If you felt a hint that the one you loved didn’t return your affections, you’d likely feel devastated and do anything you can to win back their love.

I’ve seen countless times a spouse decides to make heroic changes that were otherwise immovable until the threat of losing their love. How many times they’d say, “I’ll do anything for you,” but they wouldn’t take out the garbage, change their money habits or stop the affair until their relationship is at risk.

There is a rich quality and fullness of love that is readily available by BEING in love. Allow your body to absorb the fullness and sweetness of love. BE with and savor the feeling as you touch, see the twinkle in the eye, smell the pleasantness of love. And remarkably, speak of the deliciousness of your love! We would have fewer unhappy relationships if we spent more time nurturing our loved one.

Even if your love is for a friend, a special place, or something you love to do, cultivate appreciation and gratitude. With Tantra, even a sip can be savored for its preciousness. Or we may choose to drive into love and immerse ourselves completely.

I’ve been trying to acknowledge my beloved more often. And when Thomas is loving me up, I try to respond in kind even when it’s not always the most convenient time or my love language. The more we celebrate love, the more love there is to enjoy.

It’s an ongoing exploration. As our mentor, Steve Carter, would say, “How much more can you love?”

Somatic Sex Education

From Amanda Brown Testa’s Blog on New Sex Ed

Let’s face the facts.  For most of us, the sex education that we received in our formative years was lacking and sometimes entirely incorrect.  As a result, you may carry shame, judgment, or other feelings about yourself or your sexuality that impact your life.

This episode is all about breaking free of these feelings and embracing radical acceptance through somatic sex education.

In this podcast, Amanda Brown Testa talks with Anara Lani & Chris Muse, the founders of New School Sex Ed.  Anara and Chris are somatic sex educators who have directly experienced the pain and confusion of being brought up in a world where mixed messages about love, desire, and sex are the cultural norm. They’ve spent several years untangling and clarifying what true sexual health and empowerment feels like, and they are passionate about creating opportunities for individuals, couples, and groups to safely explore their own experiences to find self-acceptance and personal liberation. Anara and Chris believe that through compassion, guidance, self-reflection, and dedication, this kind of awakening is available for all of us.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN…

  • What led both Anara and Chris to become somatic sex educators.
  • What it means to truly feel freedom sexually.
  • How Chris & Anara are making up for the lack of sex education that most of us got when we were younger.
  • What somatic sex education is and how it’s different.
  • The difference between sex and sexuality.
  • How sex has more to do with connecting with yourself than most people realize.
  • The stories we make up about sex based on our early experiences.
  • What to do if you want to work with a sex coach but you feel uncomfortable or ashamed.
  • The importance of accepting any trauma or shame that may come up.
  • What it’s like to explore radical acceptance of our bodies and the freedom that comes from it.
  • How Anara and Chris went from thinking they were sexually empowered to realizing they actually weren’t and the work they did to feel truly empowered sexually.
  • The role of vulnerability in this work.
  • Why you might want to work with a sex coach or educator instead of just referring to a book.
  • That importance of presence and awareness in having a better sexual experience and tapping into your emotions.
  • What can happen when we focus too much on what “should” be happening.
  • What it means to authentically trust yourself.

Click here to listen to the full podcast:

Jingle Balls

Mary Jo McCullough interviews a very special, holiday baker who takes great pleasure in sharing the delights he cooks up.

The Delicious Dish brought to you by LovePassionately

From our hearts and funny bones to yours, we wish you joyful holidays and look forward to sharing many laughs, hugs and passion in the New Year,
Sara and Thomas Stout

SKYDANCING TANTRA/SARA AND THOMAS

You think you know about tantra? THINK AGAIN! Meet Sara and Thomas, SkyDancing Tantra enthusiasts and teachers. In this episode we chat about how they got into tantra, how it has changed their life, and how they hope to end the negative stigma associated with tantra by educating others and helping their participants live full and present lives.

Tantric traditions are extremely diverse so there is no single label that is universally accepted. One popular definition of tantric practice is “the systematic quest for salvation or for spiritual excellence by realizing and fostering the bipolar, bisexual divinity within one’s own body. Another definition I came across is “ a set of spiritual practices that direct the universal energies into the practitioner, thereby leading to liberation.”

The term “tantra” and the tantric traditions of Hinduism and Buddhism have been subjected to a great deal of misunderstanding over the years, and a relatively widespread association with sorcery and immoral sexuality. The word “tantra” came into use at a time when Buddhism, Jainism, and the various Vedic traditions we now call Hinduism were dominant in India. A core part of each of these religions were “sutras” or key texts. Perhaps the most famous sutra is the Kama Sutra, the book of love and erotic arts that, by the way, is completely unrelated to tantra. Etymologically, sutra has the literal meaning of ‘thread’. If a sutra is a single thread of thinking, a tantra is the whole system of thought. The literal meaning of the Sanskrit word tantra is ‘loom.’ It implies the interweaving of traditions and teachings as threads into a text, technique or practice.

Neotantra is the modern, western variation of tantra often associated with new religious movements or alternative spirituality. Many teachers of this version of tantra believe that sex and sexual experiences are sacred acts, which are capable of elevating their participants to a higher spiritual plane.They often talk about raising Kundalini energy, worshipping the divine feminine and the divine masculine, and activating the chakras. One of the pioneers and famous figures in neotantra is Osho.  He was the author of many books on meditation, taoism, buddhism, and mysticism, and at least six on tantra.

One of Osho’s students, Margot Anand, founded a school called “SkyDancing” tantra. According to Margot’s website, SkyDancing Tantra is a unique path that weaves together studies in many therapies: sexology, yoga, music, and metaphysics combined with work in human energy systems through the use of light, music, movement, visualization, and particularly the energy map of the chakras. SkyDancing Tantra also blends modern techniques such as psychology, bioenergetics, and neurolinguistic programming (NLP), with meditation, sacred rituals, and other practices. SkyDancing Tantra teaches you to choose with awareness what brings you pleasure and joy—which opens the door to a deeper connection with spirit and a greater sense of aliveness.

Check out this awesome podcast by Kelley B from In My Spare Time – a podcast about unconventional hobbies and the people behind them.

#3 – SKYDANCING TANTRA/SARA AND THOMAS

Posted on Oct 18, 2018.

 

How does SkyDancing Tantra celebrate and support you in expanding?

Where can you find respectful and loving connections in relationships?

I especially want to speak to those who identify as feminine, who long for touch and yet feel cautious.

These days we are aware of how many women have received unwanted touch. In my 20s, I worked at a sexual assault center, a battered women’s shelter, and have been committed to women’s rights ever since.  I came to realize how important it is for your body to be your own. It is my desire for women to have refuge from harm, where you can explore your physical and spiritual essence, your sexuality, and intimate relationships. 

This path has brought me to SkyDancing Tantra, which was founded by Margot Anand. Her teachings celebrate the power of women, where you give voice to your needs and desires, and help you feel honored and beautiful as the divine feminine.

 

Through SkyDancing Tantra, I have seen many women come alive and feel radiant.

See what is possible for you,
Sara

 

 

A friend for ours wrote this about her Tantric Journey.

“Ten years later after first dropping down the rabbit hole of tantra, this key distinction has risen to the top for me: all this hype about “sacred sex” is best applied as a metaphor for the relationship between polarized aspects within ourselves.

Emphasis on Inner Union is the central pillar of the way I practice tantra and the way I support others in their own practice.

* So what is Inner Union? *

It’s finding the Beloved Within. It’s the ongoing cultivation of a steadfast and loving relationship between your body and your mind. Between spacious awareness (the masculine aspect) and the embodied felt sense (the feminine aspect) within yourself. No partner needed.

Of course engaging these practices can and will transform your relationship with lovers, not to mention your relationships with the trees, your dog, and the neighborhood kids.

It’s my pleasure and passion to support folks who are going beyond the glamour of peak experiences that are so common in the neo-tantra realms, so that they can

* Get down to business with the deeper work *

This means lovingly and firmly addressing the trauma-based compulsions, fixations, and insecure/avoidant attachment patterns that unconsciously drive so many of our relational behaviors and which can leave us disconnected or depleted.

This Western, psychological and somatic approach lays the essential groundwork for accessing the boundless presence that Eastern spirituality offers, minimizing spiritual bypass along the way. When we see ourselves clearly and with compassion, no longer avoiding or indulging, we become able to connect with the wellspring of our own creative life force as a source of nourishment and fresh possibility.

* This leads to the long game. *

Now we engage the joyful work of creating healthy, regular, integrated habits of thought, speech, and behavior, lived in devotion to the mystery, to the divine, or to what some call the zero point–the great void at the heart of all things, from which all things spring, to which all things return.

Bowing in devotion to that mystery, with you.”

Robyn Lynn

Last week, I was gifted with the amazing opportunity of coming together with women from all over the world as we experienced the healing teachings of Tantra Goddesses, Caroline Muir and Amrita Grace. After five years on sabbatical Caroline returned to teach Divine Feminine Awakenings with grace and enthusiasm. It was truly an honor to absorb her life’s passion for sexual vitality.

Like Caroline, it was through my journey into Tantra that I discovered my aliveness and felt supported in expressing my full femininity, which possesses both softness and strength. Tantra helped me embrace my vulnerabilities. I also came to understand my desires to be adored, to be served and (to both my and my husband’s surprise) to surrender. At the same time, I found that inner primal passion of Kali, ripping the clothes off my man and coming together with intense lust.

We all have both masculine and feminine qualities and energy within us. As women, we too often lose ourselves, mistaking our masculine power as feminine power. We attempt to cope with the harshness of the world by hardening ourselves. Often this causes us to become aggressive and controlling. We forget the feminine force within us, which is grounded, considerate, determined and–ultimately–more affirming. As women, we must strike a balance. It is good to be powerful and effective, but it is also important that, after the work is done, we retain the ability to soften, let go and be held.

As a teacher, I have promoted inclusivity of all genders. At the same time, I have had a few recent opportunities to dive deep with just women in particular. There is something undeniably special and beautiful about being in sisterhood – a real coming home and softening occurs. Likewise, I am sure that there is something meaningful in the brotherhood of men and the siblinghood that occurs between people of other genders. Being seen and supported by one’s own gender is soul affirming – a basic need. A true gift for any and all genders is to be held by their kin.

Another need is to be accepted. Unconditional acceptance comes after we fulfill a deep ache to be fully seen and heard in our rawness. I believe that is the impetus that drives this new “naked“ generation to share such personal musings on social media. They reach out and say: “This is me.” But are we as skilled at supporting each other when we are cracked open? Do we offer the depth of holding that says “I see you, I hear you, I am with you, and honor you”? Do any of us ever say “I hold you in your pain and I rejoice in your celebrations”?

At one point during the Divine Feminine retreat, I came to a sharing circle feeling restless, aware I had not gotten vulnerable and shared myself emotionally. I feared that I would leave this retreat having missed the opportunity for true meaningful connection with these amazing women. I longed to be with them, to be more of my full self and let them see the aspects of me that I am tired of keeping in the shadows. I wished to know more of each of them, but that was theirs to reveal.

I decided to facilitate my own exposure, to be with each of the women and share the recesses of my private life. I spoke of how I felt lonely and scared, and also about how I am learning to love myself and let more love in. I told of the qualities I have that I celebrate and the behaviors of which I feel ashamed. Progress was marked when I heard myself exclaim, “I love my body.” It wasn’t until later that my body retorted, “Then why do you still criticize me so much?” So far I’ve come and still so far to go.

In the end, I did feel seen, heard, held and celebrated.

I am thankful for the courage that Tantra has provided to me – the validation of my wholeness, by weaving together sometimes contradictory aspects into a harmonious sacred being, which we all are in our own ways.

Sara

Friends, Eclipses, Tantra, and a lot of Love: Our Beautiful Journey

Our journey started with a flight back to California, where we assisted the Love & Ecstasy Training Cycle 2 (or LET 2, for short). It was our third year of assisting with the LET cycles 1 & 2, and we were delighted to see how much our students have transformed from the first cycle in May. While our students learned how to refine their multi-orgasmic response, we also did some learning of our own—about how to teach the LET’s. We hope to bring the knowledge we gained to the Midwest in about a year or two.

It was during this week that we were lucky enough to experience a rare astronomical phenomenon: the solar eclipse. We watched the landscape grow darker as the moon’s shadow raced across the planet. In the spirit of this extraordinary event, we conducted a ritual to find, befriend and honor our very own shadow sides.

Afterwards, we spent two days in seclusion with other members of the Ecstatic Living faculty at the Earthrise Retreat Center, in the heart of an expansive wilderness, surrounded by friends. Together, we discussed the best course for our class offerings and ways to make our classes more welcoming to people on the LGBTQ spectrum.

After this faculty meeting, we returned home briefly. Then it was back to California again, in order to teach Tantric Massage 2: The Art of Sexual Ecstasy. The class gives couples the chance to deepen their understanding of what it means to be intimate with each other. Teaching this weekend also reinforced our decision to rename the course Ecstatic Touch, since it really is much more than just massage.

We trekked back to Minnesota for two weeks, to see clients and to do laundry (both necessary things). Some friends joined us from California at our MN LET Regional Group. Two of the Tantra teachers-in-training led us through some wonderful practices so that they could get more experience. We also hosted a well-attended and received Tantra Community Night.

I returned to California for training with David Cates in his Belly2Belly work in Yosemite National Park.  Although I didn’t get to see the iconic places in the park, I still felt completely immersed in my surroundings. I was taken in by the huge trees and beautiful weather–and not to mention the wonderful sight of the people around me, melting deeper and deeper into each other with a sense of trust, vulnerability and shared rapport.

One thing David said really registered with me: “Enlightenment arises in the absence of tension.” I took his words to heart and let go of tension in my body. As I stood in the forest, completely at ease, I was able to sense the living presence of the trees around me. Amazing!

The next week, we both assisted Margot Anand and Jim Benson in teaching the SkyDancing Tantra Teachers Training Module 3. It was wonderful to be in Margot’s presence again, absorbing her wisdom and experience. We would stay up with her late at night, simply listening to stories about her amazing life. It was also great to see Jim, who is a wonderful man and a skilled presenter. I learned so much from him about working with groups and holding space.

The first weekend of October, we were back in Minnesota to present Tantric Massage 1: The Art of Ecstatic Touch at Shalom Hill Farm in Windom, MN. This was only the second time Sara and I have brought a workshop from California to Minnesota. The final sharing circle revealed that it was transformative not just for us, but for all of our students as well. One woman in particular told us that the class helped her realize that what she used to think of as “good sex” was only 5% of what’s possible. It was an honor to facilitate the class and to have this opportunity to touch the lives of the people who attended.

 

WCCO TV featured Cuddle Parties on January 19, 2016.  I got some great air time!