Relationship

Last week, I was gifted with the amazing opportunity of coming together with women from all over the world as we experienced the healing teachings of Tantra Goddesses, Caroline Muir and Amrita Grace. After five years on sabbatical Caroline returned to teach Divine Feminine Awakenings with grace and enthusiasm. It was truly an honor to absorb her life’s passion for sexual vitality.

Like Caroline, it was through my journey into Tantra that I discovered my aliveness and felt supported in expressing my full femininity, which possesses both softness and strength. Tantra helped me embrace my vulnerabilities. I also came to understand my desires to be adored, to be served and (to both my and my husband’s surprise) to surrender. At the same time, I found that inner primal passion of Kali, ripping the clothes off my man and coming together with intense lust.

We all have both masculine and feminine qualities and energy within us. As women, we too often lose ourselves, mistaking our masculine power as feminine power. We attempt to cope with the harshness of the world by hardening ourselves. Often this causes us to become aggressive and controlling. We forget the feminine force within us, which is grounded, considerate, determined and–ultimately–more affirming. As women, we must strike a balance. It is good to be powerful and effective, but it is also important that, after the work is done, we retain the ability to soften, let go and be held.

As a teacher, I have promoted inclusivity of all genders. At the same time, I have had a few recent opportunities to dive deep with just women in particular. There is something undeniably special and beautiful about being in sisterhood – a real coming home and softening occurs. Likewise, I am sure that there is something meaningful in the brotherhood of men and the siblinghood that occurs between people of other genders. Being seen and supported by one’s own gender is soul affirming – a basic need. A true gift for any and all genders is to be held by their kin.

Another need is to be accepted. Unconditional acceptance comes after we fulfill a deep ache to be fully seen and heard in our rawness. I believe that is the impetus that drives this new “naked“ generation to share such personal musings on social media. They reach out and say: “This is me.” But are we as skilled at supporting each other when we are cracked open? Do we offer the depth of holding that says “I see you, I hear you, I am with you, and honor you”? Do any of us ever say “I hold you in your pain and I rejoice in your celebrations”?

At one point during the Divine Feminine retreat, I came to a sharing circle feeling restless, aware I had not gotten vulnerable and shared myself emotionally. I feared that I would leave this retreat having missed the opportunity for true meaningful connection with these amazing women. I longed to be with them, to be more of my full self and let them see the aspects of me that I am tired of keeping in the shadows. I wished to know more of each of them, but that was theirs to reveal.

I decided to facilitate my own exposure, to be with each of the women and share the recesses of my private life. I spoke of how I felt lonely and scared, and also about how I am learning to love myself and let more love in. I told of the qualities I have that I celebrate and the behaviors of which I feel ashamed. Progress was marked when I heard myself exclaim, “I love my body.” It wasn’t until later that my body retorted, “Then why do you still criticize me so much?” So far I’ve come and still so far to go.

In the end, I did feel seen, heard, held and celebrated.

I am thankful for the courage that Tantra has provided to me – the validation of my wholeness, by weaving together sometimes contradictory aspects into a harmonious sacred being, which we all are in our own ways.

Sara

Friends, Eclipses, Tantra, and a lot of Love: Our Beautiful Journey

Our journey started with a flight back to California, where we assisted the Love & Ecstasy Training Cycle 2 (or LET 2, for short). It was our third year of assisting with the LET cycles 1 & 2, and we were delighted to see how much our students have transformed from the first cycle in May. While our students learned how to refine their multi-orgasmic response, we also did some learning of our own—about how to teach the LET’s. We hope to bring the knowledge we gained to the Midwest in about a year or two.

It was during this week that we were lucky enough to experience a rare astronomical phenomenon: the solar eclipse. We watched the landscape grow darker as the moon’s shadow raced across the planet. In the spirit of this extraordinary event, we conducted a ritual to find, befriend and honor our very own shadow sides.

Afterwards, we spent two days in seclusion with other members of the Ecstatic Living faculty at the Earthrise Retreat Center, in the heart of an expansive wilderness, surrounded by friends. Together, we discussed the best course for our class offerings and ways to make our classes more welcoming to people on the LGBTQ spectrum.

After this faculty meeting, we returned home briefly. Then it was back to California again, in order to teach Tantric Massage 2: The Art of Sexual Ecstasy. The class gives couples the chance to deepen their understanding of what it means to be intimate with each other. Teaching this weekend also reinforced our decision to rename the course Ecstatic Touch, since it really is much more than just massage.

We trekked back to Minnesota for two weeks, to see clients and to do laundry (both necessary things). Some friends joined us from California at our MN LET Regional Group. Two of the Tantra teachers-in-training led us through some wonderful practices so that they could get more experience. We also hosted a well-attended and received Tantra Community Night.

I returned to California for training with David Cates in his Belly2Belly work in Yosemite National Park.  Although I didn’t get to see the iconic places in the park, I still felt completely immersed in my surroundings. I was taken in by the huge trees and beautiful weather–and not to mention the wonderful sight of the people around me, melting deeper and deeper into each other with a sense of trust, vulnerability and shared rapport.

One thing David said really registered with me: “Enlightenment arises in the absence of tension.” I took his words to heart and let go of tension in my body. As I stood in the forest, completely at ease, I was able to sense the living presence of the trees around me. Amazing!

The next week, we both assisted Margot Anand and Jim Benson in teaching the SkyDancing Tantra Teachers Training Module 3. It was wonderful to be in Margot’s presence again, absorbing her wisdom and experience. We would stay up with her late at night, simply listening to stories about her amazing life. It was also great to see Jim, who is a wonderful man and a skilled presenter. I learned so much from him about working with groups and holding space.

The first weekend of October, we were back in Minnesota to present Tantric Massage 1: The Art of Ecstatic Touch at Shalom Hill Farm in Windom, MN. This was only the second time Sara and I have brought a workshop from California to Minnesota. The final sharing circle revealed that it was transformative not just for us, but for all of our students as well. One woman in particular told us that the class helped her realize that what she used to think of as “good sex” was only 5% of what’s possible. It was an honor to facilitate the class and to have this opportunity to touch the lives of the people who attended.

 

WCCO TV featured Cuddle Parties on January 19, 2016.  I got some great air time!