My life, as I have known it, is unravelling, is shifting and transforming at lightning speed. This past month a confluence of circumstances has collided and had me spinning in a new direction. To where?
For 21 years, I felt stuck in a job that, while it fulfilled my obsessive need for security, it stifled my full expression and passion. For years I couldn’t figure out how to let go of the corporate trap of income and medical insurance.
This job has also limited my travel and Tantra studies. Even though I was a magician, arranging chunks of time away, it became increasingly harder to meet the ridiculous productivity and performance standards, and I cared too much. It sucked the creativity and ability to thrive from my bones.
September was a whirlwind. First, an expansive trip studying and teaching SkyDancing Tantra in France and Belgium. It was such an honor to teach alongside Margot Anand, the founder of SkyDancing Tantra.
Thomas and I celebrated our 30th anniversary and 10 years since we started studying Tantra.
We were home for four days before we jumped back on the plane to achieve my dream of teaching, what I consider, one of the most life-changing experiences available. Cycle 1 of the Love and Ecstasy Training cracked me open ten years ago. And since then, an excitement awoke within me that is hard to contain.
Teaching this course was delayed 1 1/2 years due to Covid, so we were more than ready to gather in this magnificent energy and community of people who wished to evolve through this healing journey.
At the end of the week, during the final sharing circle, Thomas was in tears listening to all the beautiful stories of openings people experienced. Mika, my co-leader, and I were thrilled teaching in a forum that nurtured face-to-face, heart-to-heart, loving connection.
I knew my life was about to shift again.
After great consternation about how to put the time, money, and energy into promoting our Love Passionately online Coaching business three days before the LET course started, I made a brave choice to invest significantly in this dream. I wasn’t sure how it would fit together, but I knew I was more worried it would not ever happen.
The next day, I unexpectedly received notice that because of Covid, I would no longer be working for that organization that had provided comfort with security and had also held me back. My security was unravelling.
I felt both relieved and in shock. I had been asking for the Universe to help me decide about this job and manifest my dreams, so here it was, I received a kick in the ass and an open door simultaneously.
My friend, Vicki, said, “Sara, You’re letting go of the side of the pool, aren’t you?” Yes, I am! Although it feels more like I let go of a pier as I set sail, freely out to sea.
I still have my private practice and had to decide not to load up that schedule. It would be too easy to continue the same pattern by leaving one job and exchanging for a similar over-commitment, holding on to security in exchange for fulfillment.
My life has revolved around this intense schedule for so many years; what will it be like to no longer have to say, I can’t because I have to go to work? My schedule is unravelling.
I had dreamed of this freedom for years, and it’s truly hard to believe it’s here. I feel excited and nervous, wondering how it will play out?
Can I trust the universe and all the signs that this is my true path?
During my manifestation meditation practice this week, instead of guiding the process with my scripted steps, I let my chakras and body lead. It was astonishing to witness my body unravelling and unwinding as it twisted and contorted, stretching and releasing years of tension. I was in awe, watching how my body knows how to heal itself when I give it space.
My life is unravelling from the ties that bind it. As I handed my boss my computer and badge, I was surprised that the anxiety that I had imagined would be there all these years was completely absent. I feel so high with the excitement of what is possible; I am buzzing!
Unravelling must occur before we can shape the bow we desire.
Thomas and I launched our first couples coaching program and love seeing the smiles and yumminess as these couples discover new ways of being together.
What will come from this long-overdue freedom?
~ By Sara