Tantra - Love Passionately

We just returned from facilitating Touching Desire: The Art of Pleasure, where some participants were dipping their toes into Tantra for the first time, while others had explored Tantra before and were excited to finally experience SkyDancing Tantra.

Even when people arrive trying to manage their expectations, it’s wonderful to watch them soften into the comfort of the group—and then light up as the experience surpasses what they imagined.

“Every couple and single should try a similar workshop at least once. It expands life’s perception.”
— Vladimir V.

In the realm of personal growth, it’s often how we meet the edges of our comfort zone that makes the difference.

And this weekend, we saw a particular edge come up again and again:

What do I actually want?

When Desire Isn’t So Simple

One of the central explorations in Touching Desire is developing awareness of our desires and learning to ask for what we want.

That sounds simple.

It isn’t.

As participants explored giving and receiving, the questions became much bigger than touch:

What do I want?
Am I allowed to want it?
Do I deserve to receive it?
Can I ask, knowing the answer might be no?

Many of us simply haven’t had much practice.

From a young age, so many choices are made for us—what to eat, what to wear, how to behave, when to speak, and how we may or may not be touched.

Of course, children need structure and guidance. But there is a difference between saying no to a request and making the desire itself wrong.

Imagine a child asking for something that isn’t possible right now. Instead of, “No, we can’t do that,” we might respond:

“That sounds wonderful. We can’t do it today. Let’s find another time.”

The desire has been heard, even though the answer wasn’t yes.

What My Mother Taught Me About Desire

My mother taught me a simple version of this years ago.

When someone asks you for something, she said, don’t lead with what you can’t do. Tell them what you can do.

Instead of:

“No, I can’t get together Thursday.”

Try:

“I’d love to see you. Would Friday or Monday work?”

I’ve always appreciated the difference.

One closes a door. The other stays connected to the desire and looks for possibility.

Desire and Deserving

The Art of Pleasure is a dance between desire and receiving.

Between those two are communication, boundaries, choice—and something even more personal:

Do I believe I deserve to ask?

In Tantra, desire doesn’t have to be something we suppress, judge, or apologize for.

And celebrating a desire doesn’t mean it has to be fulfilled.

Desire gives us information.

It can show us what brings greater vitality, connection, pleasure, creativity, and aliveness. When we become more aware of our desires, we also become more capable of making conscious choices about them.

“Tantra can help you find things about yourself that you didn’t realize were even available.”

— Andrea

Perhaps that’s one of the gifts of exploring our desires: discovering possibilities within ourselves that we didn’t know were there.

Finding Your Voice

We are grateful for the people who were willing to meet those edges with us this weekend.

For some, growth meant recognizing what they wanted.

For others, it was finding the courage to say it aloud.

For another, it might have been receiving without immediately worrying about the other person.

And sometimes the growth was simply recognizing:

My desires matter. My boundaries matter. My pleasure matters. My voice matters.

That doesn’t mean we always get what we want.

It means we can listen to ourselves with enough love and respect to discover what is true—and then bring that awareness into relationship with another person.

That is where desire becomes much more than wanting.

It becomes part of knowing ourselves.

So here’s an exploration for you:

What do you want more of in your life?

More tenderness?
More adventure?
More rest?
More pleasure?
More honesty?
More connection?
More time to yourself?

Notice what happens in your body when you ask.

Before deciding whether it’s practical, appropriate, affordable, or possible, see if you can simply let yourself want.

Listen.

Your desire doesn’t have to become a demand or even an action.

For this moment, perhaps it can simply be heard.

Continue the Exploration

Wherever your exploration takes you, perhaps it begins with one question:

What do I really want—and am I willing to listen to the answer?

❤️ Sara & Thomas

We’ve just returned from Bali after 11 extraordinary days with Margot Anand, founder of SkyDancing Tantra®, and the international SkyDancing community.

There were purification rituals beneath waterfalls, temple ceremonies, beautiful gardens, snorkeling through reefs filled with vibrant fish, laughter with old friends, and long conversations about life, love, awareness, and awakening.

Many times during the trip we thought, “We should write about this.”

And yet… we didn’t.

Projects paused. Emails were answered more slowly. Devices stayed tucked away more than usual.

Listening to our bodies, we simply couldn’t get ourselves to do anything that took us out of the experience.

Again and again, our bodies moved us toward rest, connection, friendship, beauty, slowness, and presence.

At first, part of us felt guilty about that. We are responsible people. We care deeply about our community and work. We like being responsive.

But there was another truth emerging underneath the guilt.

Behind every “no” was a deeper “yes.”

A yes to what nourishes us.
A yes to what restores us.
A yes to beauty.
A yes to connection.
A yes to being fully alive in the moment we were actually living.

So often, we override the body.

The mind says:
“Be productive.”“Answer faster.”
“Push through.”
“Don’t disappoint anyone.”
“Keep going.”

Meanwhile, the body whispers:
“Slow down.”
“Stay with this moment.”
“Take in this sunset.”
“Be with your friends.”
“Breathe.”

In Tantra, learning to listen to the body is not indulgence — it is awareness.

The body constantly informs us how we are. It reveals tension, exhaustion, openness, fear, joy, contraction, and aliveness long before the mind catches up.

But many of us have become trained to mistrust these signals. We push past fatigue. We override discomfort. We numb ourselves with distraction, stimulation, scrolling, busyness, food, or endless doing.

Sometimes we even lose touch with what we genuinely want.

One of the profound teachings of SkyDancing Tantra is that awareness begins by listening.

Not only to our thoughts — but to our sensations, breath, energy, and deeper impulses.

When we pause long enough to listen honestly, we may discover that the “no” we fear disappointing others with is actually protecting something sacred.

A “no” to overextending ourselves may be a “yes” to health.

A “no” to constant productivity may be a “yes” to creativity.

A “no” to distraction may be a “yes” to intimacy.

A “no” to rushing may be a “yes” to actually experiencing our lives.

This doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or acting without care. True listening includes discernment and compassion. But it does mean becoming more honest about what genuinely supports our nervous systems, relationships, and well-being.

Bali reminded us how healing it is to fully arrive in the present moment.

To savor a meal instead of multitasking through it.

To feel water on the skin.
To laugh deeply with friends.To watch a sunset without immediately reaching for a phone.To sit quietly beside someone you love.

These moments are not separate from intimacy.

They are intimacy.

And perhaps this is one of the deepest forms of Tantra:
Not escaping life, but learning how to fully inhabit it.

“I was out of my comfort zone… and I’m so glad I did.”

We heard this more than once during our recent Art of Loving: An Introduction to SkyDancing Tantra weekend.

There’s something honest in that reflection.

Not overwhelm. Not pressure.
But a gentle stretching—into something new.

At some point, many of us feel that quiet pull—to grow, to feel more alive, to experience deeper connection. And yet, real change rarely happens from the comfort of the sofa. It asks something of us. A willingness to step just beyond the familiar.

That step doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as saying yes, showing up, and staying present with yourself.

Many people come to this work with curiosity… and also with questions:
Will I feel safe? Will I be expected to do things I don’t want to do? Will this be too much?

These are important questions. And they deserve clear answers.

What we continue to witness is that when a space is held with care, respect, and mindful consent, something different becomes possible. People don’t get pushed past their limits—they begin to listen to them.

From that place, growth happens naturally.

It’s a joy to witness the hard edges soften… and a natural brightness begin to shine through as the guards gently come down and trust builds.

This past weekend, participants shared how meaningful it was to explore at their own pace… to feel supported in choice… and to discover a sense of connection that felt both new and surprisingly comfortable.

“So much HEART & SAFETY here! I most enjoyed the freedom to do what I needed to do in order to stay true to myself; no forced connections.” ~ Keli Owens

“If you’re on the fence, go for it. The space is well held with plenty of support… a nourishing reminder of why these practices matter.” – David R.

There’s a difference between being pushed out of your comfort zone…
and being invited into your growth.

In a supportive environment, you might try something new, speak a truth you’ve been holding, or connect in a more present, embodied way. And often, what people discover is a quiet confidence:
“I can trust myself here.”

We’re deeply committed to creating a space that feels both safe and gently stretching—a place where you can slow down, listen to your body, and develop trust in your own signals. A space where consent, choice, and respect are lived experiences.

From there, something begins to open.

You may find yourself expressing parts of you that haven’t had space before… discovering new ways of relating… or simply feeling more at home in yourself. Building confidence in your ability to navigate connections and boundaries. Reconnecting with your natural capacity for presence, pleasure, and aliveness.

And often, something surprising happens:
healing begins to unfold on its own.

Not always through analyzing the past or retelling old stories, but through new, embodied experiences of safety, connection, and choice. When the body feels supported, it naturally begins to soften, reorganize, and open.

That trust is what allows deeper intimacy, presence, and connection to unfold—both with yourself and with others.

If you’ve been curious about this path, consider this: growth doesn’t have to be overwhelming to be meaningful. It can be grounded, respectful, even joyful.

And sometimes, all it takes is a willingness to take one step beyond the familiar.

Are you feeling bored and looking for that next high?

Would you like to shift from seeking to feeling fulfillment?

We live in a culture of desiring more and more. We’re encouraged to seek happiness in new relationships, exciting careers, fresh adventures, and material possessions. Esther Perel speaks to this modern phenomenon: where once we left jobs or relationships because we were unhappy, now we leave because we believe we could be happier.

But here’s the twist: the ecstasy you’re searching for isn’t hiding in external changes. As Margot Anand beautifully puts it:

“Ecstasy is already within you. You need not look for it outside.”

The truth is, living ecstatically isn’t about chasing adrenaline highs or peak experiences—it’s about awakening to the richness of what’s already here.

You may have heard that before. I had for years, and now I live it, knowing that at any moment, I can feel ecstatic. I can choose the way I feel and not need my environment to make me happy.

Why Routine Feels Anti-Ecstatic

Routines are the backbone of security, but they can stifle our creativity and desire. In relationships especially, routine can dull the spark, making life feel predictable and monotonous.

Variety, or the allure of “newness,” stirs our senses and awakens eros—the life force that fuels passion and vitality.

But before you rush to change everything, consider this:

What if newness doesn’t require leaving, changing, or escaping? What if it’s a shift in perception?

Here is an invitation to explore how this works.

Cultivate Newness: Rediscover the Moment

When was the last time you truly joined a moment with fresh eyes?

Imagine watching a movie you’ve seen before. One approach is to anticipate each scene, disengaged and half-bored. Another is to dive in, noticing subtle layers you missed before. Relationships, routines, and everyday life are no different.

“Life has limitless layers. The art is to live the exact moment a thousand times and see it as a unique experience.”

Here’s a practice to try:

Join Each Moment Exercise

Pick an object in your home—a chair, a mug, or a plant.
Pretend you’re seeing it for the first time.
Observe its color, texture, and how light dances on its surface.
Ask yourself: What’s new here?

When we bring this beginner’s mind to relationships and life, newness becomes abundant.

The Science of Newness

Did you know that novelty stimulates dopamine, the brain chemical linked to pleasure and motivation? This isn’t about chasing the new—it’s about breaking mental patterns that keep us stuck in autopilot.

Example: Think of a song you adore. You could listen to it a thousand times and still feel its magic. Why? Because your presence keeps it alive.

J.O.Y. – Join, Open, Yield

Living ecstatically invites us to:

Join each moment: Let go of what you think you know.
Open to the unexpected: Curiosity fuels connection.
Yield to what’s here: Surrender the need for “better” and savor the now.

An Invitation to Awaken

Ecstasy doesn’t mean life is perfect—it means life is alive. You don’t need a new job, a different partner, or a bigger house to feel it. You need only to embrace this truth:

“You will never again be here. Every moment holds the promise of birth and death—a once-in-a-lifetime experience if we allow it.”

So, how will you meet this moment?

We invite you to watch our recent free masterclass:

>>>The Art of Ecstasy: 3 Steps to Transcend Routine

Move from mundane routines to a life rich with wonder, presence, and fulfillment.

We were interviewed by Shana James on the Man Alive podcast, where we discussed Tantra, and the incredible ways it can bring more aliveness, pleasure and intimacy to your life and love life.

The Man Alive podcast is a series of bold, raw and gritty conversations with experts on success, power, sex, love, and legacy. She works with men to find their unique power, confidence and clarity, so they stop settling in life and love.

Shana attended one of our Love Passionately weekend retreats and was excited to let more people know what we do.

In our featured episode we delve into:

What a Tantric dynamic is and what Tantra adds to relationships and one’s life

Conflict resolution and love making

How to create sacred space and use it for everything from decision making, confHow to make a NO as sexy as a YES

The anti-ecstatic conspiracy

Catching the stories and ideas we hold against each other in relationships

How to learn to receive more

You can listen to the interview on:
iTunes Spotify Google TuneIn iHeart Radio

Maintaining a long-term, loving, and satisfying sexual relationship is no easy feat. It requires attention and care. This newsletter delves into common pitfalls that disrupt loving connections.

Have you ever hesitated to try again because you felt like you couldn’t get it right? Or refrained from opening up to your partner because you felt unmet, unseen, or unheard?

These feelings often underlie a lack of desire or fulfillment in the bedroom, manifesting as contraction, fear, disempowerment, or defensiveness.

One approach Thomas and I have found helpful in navigating sexual difficulties is committing to no criticism in the bedroom. We prioritize building each other up and honoring the vulnerability required to express our seductive, playful, passionate selves in an intimate space.

Of course, this doesn’t mean ignoring discomfort or dislikes. It’s crucial to communicate desires and boundaries.

But how can we communicate in a way that doesn’t hinder our partner’s pleasure?

Many couples fear spoiling the mood by offering suggestions during sex. Our culture often perpetuates the belief that we should instinctively know what our partner wants. However, lovemaking is a collaborative act of co-creation, requiring open communication and flexibility to adapt to each moment’s nuances.

If you’ve never talked about your sex life, one way to begin is by discussing the experience afterward, sharing three things you enjoyed and asking your partner the same.

Approach feedback positively, focusing on what’s going well before suggesting adjustments. Instead of saying “I don’t like that,” offer guidance like, “I love that soft touch; now would you try stroking in a circular motion?”

Consider a case we’re currently working on: a man yearning to reconnect with his wife intimately after seven years of no more than hugs and kisses. Despite once having a satisfactory sex life, they drifted apart after having children. Now, he feels immense pressure, as any attempt at intimacy is met with criticism. How do you think this affects his desire for intimacy?

Similarly, another woman shared her experience of being pushed away and labeled “over-sexual” when initiating sex. Criticizing our partner’s desire can stifle passion and freedom, inhibiting pleasure.

Instead, let’s find something to affirm: “I love your desire; you look incredibly sexy right now. Unfortunately, I have a work meeting, so let’s plan for tomorrow.” Rather than making our partners wrong for their desires, celebrate them and suggest a better time.

Keep the flame alive with texts, notes, and flirting until you can be together.

You might believe that people should be able to handle criticism, but research by relationship expert John Gottman suggests otherwise. His findings indicate that the ratio of one negative remark to five positive comments and interactions predicts relationship happiness.

Have you ever noticed how, even in the absence of explicit criticism, we might perceive it in a pause, tone, or “that look?” We sometimes laugh at the absurdities of what we make up from our partner’s unsaid expressions. Ya gotta laugh.

Shame and self-judgment are often our worst enemies.

If we’re primed to expect criticism, we’ll find it, even in silence.

When we lead with love and acceptance, criticism has less bite for ourselves and for life.

As we navigate the complexities of intimacy, let’s remember the transformative power of love and understanding. By prioritizing open communication, celebrating desire, and fostering a supportive environment, we can cultivate deeper connections and enriching sexual experiences with our partners. Let’s embrace each moment with openness and compassion, knowing that in love, there is endless potential for growth and fulfillment.

Sending love,

Sara & Thomas (SatchiJo) Stout

We had the pleasure of being guests on the Super States: Practices of TRANCE-formation Podcast hosted by Joshua Peters.

In this episode, titled “Exploring Tantra for Personal Growth with Sara and Thomas Stout,” we delved into the transformative practices of Tantra and its profound potential for personal growth.

You can listen to the podcast episode here:

During our conversation with Joshua, we covered a range of topics that can offer valuable insights into Tantra and its benefits:

Understanding the essence of Tantra and its principles
Exploring SkyDancing Tantra and its unique approach
Discovering the three keys to ecstasy within Tantra
Unveiling the two fundamental tools of Tantra practice
Exploring how Tantra strengthens trust on multiple levels
Learning ways to initiate body-based practices for personal growth
Simple practices that invite more aliveness into your life
Exploring Tantra both individually and within the context of partnership
Guidance on determining if Tantra aligns with your personal journey

We believe this podcast episode serves as a valuable overview of Tantra for those curious about its potential.

Want to know a Super Hot Turn-On?
One of the hottest and most long-standing turn-ons – is being met.

The first time Thomas and I met each other, I felt that he was too intense. I lacked confidence and thought I would not stand up for what was important to me. Our balance was off.

The opposite, having a partner who was a pushover, was not satisfying either. Being with someone who was grounded in their truth and had enough backbone to stand up to me was a turn-on.

With my growing confidence and force as a woman, I didn’t want to worry about overshadowing my partner or in any way, needing to stay small.

I wanted someone who could handle all of me, my crazy ideas, my full expression and passion, and expand and grow with me.

It wasn’t until five years after our original meeting, when our paths crossed again that I loved how Thomas “met me.” I could be big, strong, passionate, expressive, and he didn’t get small and crumble.

And, it’s hard to admit, but I appreciated that he didn’t put up with my shit, like when I was over-controlling (don’t tell him). Or when I undermined my potential.

He met me:
Emotionally:
• Lovingly supported me to express myself honestly, vulnerably, and accountably.
• When we began to sweat the small stuff, he’d lighten the mood. Or if I’d try to minimize something important, Thomas would kindly listen for the deeper truth.

Intellectually:
• Inspired new thoughts and continued personal growth.

Spirituality:
• Respectfully challenged me to believe in myself.
• Considered higher consciousness and the greater good.

Physically and sexually:
• Playfully wrestled with me, often ending in a passionate love fest.
• Sensitively moved us beyond mediocrity and kept us out of ruts.
• Reliably held me in his masculine power, allowing me to surrender into receptivity.

Being met balances power and surrender, yang and yin.

How do you like to be met?
Do you like slow, gentle caresses?
Or do you like to be ravished intensely and feel the strength of your lover?
And possibly a combination of softness and firmness turns you on.

Most of us need to feel met to feel passion. We want to feel our partner responds to our level of intensity and challenges us.

After 35 years together, I still love feeling the strength of Thomas’ body against me, his grip that matches my heat.

From Thomas’ side, he says,
“When I start to go down a rabbit hole, Sara listens to my struggle but doesn’t go down with me.

When we feel secure in our relationship, we have more intense play. She may not go skydiving with me, but she’s there as a support, watching and cheering me on.”

How are you meeting yourself?

Are you communicating your range of needs in your life?

What are you waiting for?

The right moment, a sign, a companion, enough money, free time, or to not feel nervous?

Waiting is one of the quickest paths to regret.

During our recent conversation on our tandem bike (where we often appreciate our life and each other the most), I told Thomas that I feel no regrets with him. That is not an easy state to achieve together. It takes a lot of intention and coordination of multiple desires.

Of course, like any long-term relationship, there are still harsh tones and words I wish I hadn’t said or affections I wish I had expressed, but primarily, my hopes and dreams feel fulfilled. There are no looming unmet needs.

Living fully in the moment is an essential tool for a happy life.

For many years, we could not have said we were living without regrets.

It was easier to focus on why I couldn’t do or have something rather than be living as much as possible. When I thought I was waiting for more money and more free time, what I was waiting for – was to trust life. I didn’t believe in abundance or that I deserved to receive what I wanted.

Tantra helped me listen to my desires and dreams and live in a state of trust and abundance. I could also access the feeling of joy and pleasure around me and within me throughout my day.

I wasn’t waiting for something outside myself to make me happy.

This week, as I recoat our wooden kitchen counter, I am struck by how much I enjoy the golden color and glistening grain. My fingers in the soil weeding the flower bed feels so nourishing. I pause and appreciate all the greens, yellows, and colorful leaves just budding.

We know it can feel like we’re waiting for our time to travel or do what we want when our children or work can be consuming. But even with a busy schedule, there are choices for fulfillment.

Thomas has been my best teacher for making time for pleasure. When we had little babies, I was up to my elbows in diapers and didn’t think I had time for myself, he persuaded me to take a night off each week to take an art class. Coming home happy and excited gave me energy for the rest of the week. And for him.

Having future dreams and intentions doesn’t mean you are waiting. It means focusing on what you have and trusting that joy will happen or can happen as it becomes more important than our current choices. Thomas wants to work less so he can bike and relax more. I’d love to have more time for writing and art.

Is it time to no longer wait?

Can the answer be Now?

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and not have lived.

“The one that can not do something is not the real you.”

~ Margot Anand

Carpe diem ~ Seize the moment.

By Sara Stout

In most Tantra programs, there are opportunities for pleasure, fun, community, and personal growth.

What makes SkyDancing® Tantra stand out?

SkyDancing Tantra supports higher, conscious living from which a sense of freedom and full self-expression flourishes. Some Tantra schools have a reputation for wildness and hedonistic activities. Others are meditative and dismiss the body. SkyDancing supports the body and consciousness. Freedom without consciousness can lead to harmful choices. When one develops tools of awareness beyond the mind, they are less likely to compromise their boundaries but instead, stay on their truly aligned path and find their grounded freedom and ecstasy.

People love Margot Anand and her books. Margot is world-renowned author and teacher who brought Tantra to the west and has made it accessible to everyone through her step-by-step methods. It’s a gift to receive Margot’s transmissions through SkyDancing teachers.

SkyDancing Tantra is a well-established Institute, supporting students for over 32 years. It teaches ancient Tantric practices and incorporates modern-day cultural and psychological considerations.

People trust SkyDancing Tantra for its high ethical integrity.
In the world of programs on sexuality and spirituality, it is tragic how many other institutes have received reports of abuse of power and sexual violations, SkyDancing Tantra Institutes are highly respected and trusted around the world. And the institute continues learning the most current trauma-informed practices and refines its policies as needed.

When people want maturity, they appreciate the depth of teaching and accessibility for all ages and diversity.

Spirituality is supported on this path of awakening.
SkyDancing Tantra invites individual expression of spirituality and holds reverence for all of life and human existence. Oneness is the basic principle and through awareness and vitality one awakens to wholeness and a non-separate sense of self.

All relationship configurations are supported.
Whether wanting to dive deep into profound intimacy as a couple or explore the expansion of self, alone or with others, all are welcome.

Feel the quality of heart-centered presence with SkyDancing Tantra. It is possible to experience profound acceptance and love more than you imagine.

Teachers receive extensive training for over three years and maintain their ongoing personal practice.

There are many reasons why SkyDancing Tantra is recognized at one of the premier Tantra Institutes. If you have any questions about the Institute the program, we welcome curiosity.