We had the pleasure of being guests on the Super States: Practices of TRANCE-formation Podcast hosted by Joshua Peters.
In this episode, titled “Exploring Tantra for Personal Growth with Sara and Thomas Stout,” we delved into the transformative practices of Tantra and its profound potential for personal growth.
You can listen to the podcast episode here:
During our conversation with Joshua, we covered a range of topics that can offer valuable insights into Tantra and its benefits:
Understanding the essence of Tantra and its principles
Exploring SkyDancing Tantra and its unique approach
Discovering the three keys to ecstasy within Tantra
Unveiling the two fundamental tools of Tantra practice
Exploring how Tantra strengthens trust on multiple levels
Learning ways to initiate body-based practices for personal growth
Simple practices that invite more aliveness into your life
Exploring Tantra both individually and within the context of partnership
Guidance on determining if Tantra aligns with your personal journey
We believe this podcast episode serves as a valuable overview of Tantra for those curious about its potential.
Want to know a Super Hot Turn-On?
One of the hottest and most long-standing turn-ons – is being met.
The first time Thomas and I met each other, I felt that he was too intense. I lacked confidence and thought I would not stand up for what was important to me. Our balance was off.
The opposite, having a partner who was a pushover, was not satisfying either. Being with someone who was grounded in their truth and had enough backbone to stand up to me was a turn-on.
With my growing confidence and force as a woman, I didn’t want to worry about overshadowing my partner or in any way, needing to stay small.
I wanted someone who could handle all of me, my crazy ideas, my full expression and passion, and expand and grow with me.
It wasn’t until five years after our original meeting, when our paths crossed again that I loved how Thomas “met me.” I could be big, strong, passionate, expressive, and he didn’t get small and crumble.
And, it’s hard to admit, but I appreciated that he didn’t put up with my shit, like when I was over-controlling (don’t tell him). Or when I undermined my potential.
He met me: Emotionally:
• Lovingly supported me to express myself honestly, vulnerably, and accountably.
• When we began to sweat the small stuff, he’d lighten the mood. Or if I’d try to minimize something important, Thomas would kindly listen for the deeper truth.
Intellectually:
• Inspired new thoughts and continued personal growth.
Spirituality:
• Respectfully challenged me to believe in myself.
• Considered higher consciousness and the greater good.
Physically and sexually:
• Playfully wrestled with me, often ending in a passionate love fest.
• Sensitively moved us beyond mediocrity and kept us out of ruts.
• Reliably held me in his masculine power, allowing me to surrender into receptivity.
Being met balances power and surrender, yang and yin.
How do you like to be met?
Do you like slow, gentle caresses?
Or do you like to be ravished intensely and feel the strength of your lover?
And possibly a combination of softness and firmness turns you on.
Most of us need to feel met to feel passion. We want to feel our partner responds to our level of intensity and challenges us.
After 35 years together, I still love feeling the strength of Thomas’ body against me, his grip that matches my heat.
From Thomas’ side, he says, “When I start to go down a rabbit hole, Sara listens to my struggle but doesn’t go down with me.
When we feel secure in our relationship, we have more intense play. She may not go skydiving with me, but she’s there as a support, watching and cheering me on.”
How are you meeting yourself?
Are you communicating your range of needs in your life?
Why do people looking for connection, come to SkyDancing® Tantra?
There are many ways in which Tantra builds connection, whether you are a couple or single. Most frequently acknowledged is the simple act of mindful face to face interaction.
Even when you spend hours a day with someone, you can feel disconnected, alone, and you miss deeper relating. As much as you try to communicate, plan a date night, go to a movie, a concert, a drive together, still you feel an absence of true connection.
Studies show that most of relationship interactions are oriented side by side. That we go through life facing forward rather than turning towards each other. There is an element of parallel orientation when we take care of the home, the kids, sit side by side on the couch, or spend more time looking at our screens than each other. This is not enough quality engagement to sustain a fulfilling relationship.
Couples turn towards each other when we are courting, during an affair, or in crisis. At these times we are more deeply engaged with each other rather than what’s going on around us. Ironically, most couples who don’t make time for each other day to day, will drop everything and are willing to do almost everything if there is a fidelity threat to their relationship. Rather than waiting for partner dissatisfaction, there are simple actions we can do everyday.
“For passion to spark, the couple needs to move from side-by-side energy to nose-to-nose energy. The partners most rouse themselves from life’s daily tasks and turn to face each other, be fully present to each other.” Terry Real, Family Therapist
Intimacy comes when we turn towards each other. When we feel seen and heard. Consider how you might approach a child if you want to understand what they’re telling you, you bend down, get to the same level, make eye contact and listen intently, repeating back what they tell you. Too often when our partner tries to talk to us we are on our phones, continue what we are doing, watching our show, or are distracted. Tantra is mindful intimacy, when we pause, and turn to make face to face contact.
Face to face interactions communicate, I see you, I am with you, I care about you.
The act of taking our partner’s hands, looking into their eyes and Being, is powerfully loving. It activates the bonding hormone, oxytocin. For some, it can feel uncomfortable at first, those awkward silences that we fill with giggles, looking away, squirming and chatter. It can take practice. In our classes, we constantly hear how powerful and connected people feel, with a simple practice of eye gazing. And when people feel connected, the other tasks of managing a home, family and sexual desire and satisfaction come easier.
Tantric Tip: Set up specific times to turn towards the people important to you. This might be when you greet each other, before meals, and saying good-night. Pause, turn face to face, hold each other’s hands, take a breath together, and smile. Notice how much closer you feel to each other. Another pivotal time to mindfully connect is when you’re making a decision about how to spend the evening. Consider an activity other than screens, such as a massage, reading to each other, cuddling, and day dreaming together.
I appreciate how Thomas greets me with a loving hug when I come home from work. Anyone who sits at our table, joins us in pausing for a few breaths and eye contact before we eat. Since Thomas fractured his neck a few years ago, I don’t take for granted our future, so in the morning before I get out of bed, I turn off the alarm and we hold each other, skin to skin. I get my Thomas fix, breathing in, savoring his warmth and presence.
Face to face connection does not need to be a rare experience or reserved only for extreme situations. Enjoy the sweetness of being together. SkyDancing Tantra is particularly known for its heart to heart, face to face and mindful relating on many levels.
It wasn’t until five years after our original meeting, when our paths crossed again that I loved how Thomas “met me.” I could be big, strong, passionate, expressive, and he didn’t get small and crumble.
