mindful

What are you waiting for?

The right moment, a sign, a companion, enough money, free time, or to not feel nervous?

Waiting is one of the quickest paths to regret. 

During our recent conversation on our tandem bike (where we often appreciate our life and each other the most), I told Thomas that I feel no regrets with him. That is not an easy state to achieve together. It takes a lot of intention and coordination of multiple desires.

Of course, like any long-term relationship, there are still harsh tones and words I wish I hadn’t said or affections I wish I had expressed, but primarily, my hopes and dreams feel fulfilled. There are no looming unmet needs.

Living fully in the moment is an essential tool for a happy life. 

For many years, we could not have said we were living without regrets.

It was easier to focus on why I couldn’t do or have something rather than be living as much as possible. When I thought I was waiting for more money and more free time, what I was waiting for – was to trust life. I didn’t believe in abundance or that I deserved to receive what I wanted.

Tantra helped me listen to my desires and dreams and live in a state of trust and abundance. I could also access the feeling of joy and pleasure around me and within me throughout my day.

I wasn’t waiting for something outside myself to make me happy.

This week, as I recoat our wooden kitchen counter, I am struck by how much I enjoy the golden color and glistening grain. My fingers in the soil weeding the flower bed feels so nourishing. I pause and appreciate all the greens, yellows, and colorful leaves just budding.

We know it can feel like we’re waiting for our time to travel or do what we want when our children or work can be consuming. But even with a busy schedule, there are choices for fulfillment.

Thomas has been my best teacher for making time for pleasure. When we had little babies, I was up to my elbows in diapers and didn’t think I had time for myself, he persuaded me to take a night off each week to take an art class. Coming home happy and excited gave me energy for the rest of the week. And for him.

Having future dreams and intentions doesn’t mean you are waiting. It means focusing on what you have and trusting that joy will happen or can happen as it becomes more important than our current choices. Thomas wants to work less so he can bike and relax more. I’d love to have more time for writing and art.

Is it time to no longer wait?

Can the answer be Now?

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and not have lived. 

“The one that can not do something is not the real you.”

~ Margot Anand

 

Carpe diem ~ Seize the moment.

By Sara Stout

In most Tantra programs, there are opportunities for pleasure, fun, community, and personal growth.

What makes SkyDancing® Tantra stand out?

SkyDancing Tantra supports higher, conscious living from which a sense of freedom and full self-expression flourishes. Some Tantra schools have a reputation for wildness and hedonistic activities. Others are meditative and dismiss the body. SkyDancing supports the body and consciousness. Freedom without consciousness can lead to harmful choices. When one develops tools of awareness beyond the mind, they are less likely to compromise their boundaries but instead, stay on their truly aligned path and find their grounded freedom and ecstasy.

People love Margot Anand and her books. Margot is world-renowned author and teacher who brought Tantra to the west and has made it accessible to everyone through her step-by-step methods. It’s a gift to receive Margot’s transmissions through SkyDancing teachers.

SkyDancing Tantra is a well-established Institute, supporting students for over 32 years. It teaches ancient Tantric practices and incorporates modern-day cultural and psychological considerations.

People trust SkyDancing Tantra for its high ethical integrity. 
In the world of programs on sexuality and spirituality, it is tragic how many other institutes have received reports of abuse of power and sexual violations, SkyDancing Tantra Institutes are highly respected and trusted around the world. And the institute continues learning the most current trauma-informed practices and refines its policies as needed.

When people want maturity, they appreciate the depth of teaching and accessibility for all ages and diversity.

Spirituality is supported on this path of awakening.
SkyDancing Tantra invites individual expression of spirituality and holds reverence for all of life and human existence. Oneness is the basic principle and through awareness and vitality one awakens to wholeness and a non-separate sense of self.

All relationship configurations are supported. 
Whether wanting to dive deep into profound intimacy as a couple or explore the expansion of self, alone or with others, all are welcome.

Feel the quality of heart-centered presence with SkyDancing Tantra. It is possible to experience profound acceptance and love more than you imagine.

Teachers receive extensive training for over three years and maintain their ongoing personal practice.

There are many reasons why SkyDancing Tantra is recognized at one of the premier Tantra Institutes. If you have any questions about the Institute the program, we welcome curiosity.

When I was 12 years old, I was innocently hanging out with my friends at school when I was told my Grandpa had suddenly died. I was devastated.

His was the first death I remember experiencing. Since I am the same age as he was when he died, I can’t help but consider how we are similar and yet different.

This wasn’t his first heart attack; he struggled with his weight had high blood pressure, and I remember my Grandmother getting mad with him for cheating on his low-sodium diet. Her frequent meals of fried chicken, potatoes and gravy, and her famous and mysteriously emptying cookie jar probably didn’t help.

I spent at least a week with Grandma and Grandpa every summer. It was a highlight to have time alone with them.

During the day when Grandpa was at work, I would help Grandma garden, pulling weeds, shucking peas, picking raspberries, and spitting watermelon seeds.

Every evening, I’d kiss my grandpa g-night, and grandma tucked me into bed in the extra room above the living room. I could hear the TV below play Lawrence Welk, and I’d receive my nightly torture from the smell of fresh popcorn wafting up through the vent.

The differences between Grandpa and me likely began very early in life. Grandpa was four when his father died. As the only male in the house, he started providing for his household early with his mom and grandma. He didn’t earn a high school education and never settled into a career, contributing to lifelong financial instability.

I was blessed to have both of my parents, who continue to be a big part of my life. They achieved Master’s degrees that pulled them out of family poverty over time.

My Grandpa’s greatest dream was to own a home, but he never did. Thomas and I happily paid off our mortgage last spring.

I didn’t understand why Grandpa would get so upset with me when I didn’t care for my shoes. He always wanted me to use a shoehorn for my nice Sunday shoes. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that even buying shoes for him was extravagant. He wore size 13, and I’m sure the few pairs of brown shoes he owned were costly.

If you knew my Grandpa, you’d know he loved to fish. Not once-in-a-while kinda fish but every vacation and spare moment kinda fish.

Many hours we’d sit in the boat, on the dock, or by the dam, and I was convinced his fishing magic would rub off on me. More often, it resulted in me just drowning worms. 🎣 I don’t know if he was a good fisherman, a lucky fisherman, or it was only in my eyes that I imagined him that way.

Maybe we were alike by the quietness of our day together.

There were more ways we were different.

My Grandpa didn’t go to yoga class, meditate, or do a loving Tantra practice with Grandma. “Exercise” was a word that didn’t cross his lips. And I never saw him join Grandma as she tried to keep up with Jack LaLanne.

He’d sit drinking his morning coffee, smoking his cigarettes, reading the newspaper, and complain about the news.

My mom and her sisters would say complaining was one of his pastimes. Maybe, that’s where my mom got her mantra, “Life is hard.” I still struggle with falling into that oppressive mindset instead of seeing the amazing life I’ve been given. More than ever, I can now see the magnificence of this world. I wonder if he ever noticed?

On March 10th, 1972, he joined his buddies on a Minnesota lake ice fishing, and he was happy. With the cold fresh air and the anticipation of what he could catch, he fell to the ice with his last words, “heart attack.” Grandpa died doing what he loved. I hope I am like him in that way.

For both of us, family is important. We love to laugh, be outdoors, and have big feet.

Grandpa brought me a lot of joy. I can still see his big smile, feel his comforting embrace, and I eat popcorn 🍿 most nights.

By Sara B

My life, as I have known it, is unravelling, is shifting and transforming at lightning speed. This past month a confluence of circumstances has collided and had me spinning in a new direction. To where?

For 21 years, I felt stuck in a job that, while it fulfilled my obsessive need for security, it stifled my full expression and passion. For years I couldn’t figure out how to let go of the corporate trap of income and medical insurance.

This job has also limited my travel and Tantra studies. Even though I was a magician, arranging chunks of time away, it became increasingly harder to meet the ridiculous productivity and performance standards, and I cared too much. It sucked the creativity and ability to thrive from my bones.

September was a whirlwind. First, an expansive trip studying and teaching SkyDancing Tantra in France and Belgium. It was such an honor to teach alongside Margot Anand, the founder of SkyDancing Tantra.

Thomas and I celebrated our 30th anniversary and 10 years since we started studying Tantra.

We were home for four days before we jumped back on the plane to achieve my dream of teaching, what I consider, one of the most life-changing experiences available. Cycle 1 of the Love and Ecstasy Training cracked me open ten years ago. And since then, an excitement awoke within me that is hard to contain.

Teaching this course was delayed 1 1/2 years due to Covid, so we were more than ready to gather in this magnificent energy and community of people who wished to evolve through this healing journey.

At the end of the week, during the final sharing circle, Thomas was in tears listening to all the beautiful stories of openings people experienced. Mika, my co-leader, and I were thrilled teaching in a forum that nurtured face-to-face, heart-to-heart, loving connection.

I knew my life was about to shift again.

After great consternation about how to put the time, money, and energy into promoting our Love Passionately online Coaching business three days before the LET course started, I made a brave choice to invest significantly in this dream. I wasn’t sure how it would fit together, but I knew I was more worried it would not ever happen.

The next day, I unexpectedly received notice that because of Covid, I would no longer be working for that organization that had provided comfort with security and had also held me back. My security was unravelling.

I felt both relieved and in shock. I had been asking for the Universe to help me decide about this job and manifest my dreams, so here it was, I received a kick in the ass and an open door simultaneously.

My friend, Vicki, said, “Sara, You’re letting go of the side of the pool, aren’t you?” Yes, I am! Although it feels more like I let go of a pier as I set sail, freely out to sea.

I still have my private practice and had to decide not to load up that schedule. It would be too easy to continue the same pattern by leaving one job and exchanging for a similar over-commitment, holding on to security in exchange for fulfillment.

My life has revolved around this intense schedule for so many years; what will it be like to no longer have to say, I can’t because I have to go to work? My schedule is unravelling.

I had dreamed of this freedom for years, and it’s truly hard to believe it’s here. I feel excited and nervous, wondering how it will play out?

Can I trust the universe and all the signs that this is my true path?

During my manifestation meditation practice this week, instead of guiding the process with my scripted steps, I let my chakras and body lead. It was astonishing to witness my body unravelling and unwinding as it twisted and contorted, stretching and releasing years of tension. I was in awe, watching how my body knows how to heal itself when I give it space. 

My life is unravelling from the ties that bind it. As I handed my boss my computer and badge, I was surprised that the anxiety that I had imagined would be there all these years was completely absent. I feel so high with the excitement of what is possible; I am buzzing!

Unravelling must occur before we can shape the bow we desire.

Thomas and I launched our first couples coaching program and love seeing the smiles and yumminess as these couples discover new ways of being together.

What will come from this long-overdue freedom?

~ By Sara

Face to Face Connection

Why do people looking for connection, come to SkyDancing® Tantra?

There are many ways in which Tantra builds connection, whether you are a couple or single. Most frequently acknowledged is the simple act of mindful face to face interaction.

Even when you spend hours a day with someone, you can feel disconnected, alone, and you miss deeper relating. As much as you try to communicate, plan a date night, go to a movie, a concert, a drive together, still you feel an absence of true connection.

Studies show that most of relationship interactions are oriented side by side. That we go through life facing forward rather than turning towards each other. There is an element of parallel orientation when we take care of the home, the kids, sit side by side on the couch, or spend more time looking at our screens than each other. This is not enough quality engagement to sustain a fulfilling relationship. 

Couples turn towards each other when we are courting, during an affair, or in crisis. At these times we are more deeply engaged with each other rather than what’s going on around us. Ironically, most couples who don’t make time for each other day to day, will drop everything and are willing to do almost everything if there is a fidelity threat to their relationship. Rather than waiting for partner dissatisfaction, there are simple actions we can do everyday.

“For passion to spark, the couple needs to move from side-by-side energy to nose-to-nose energy. The partners most rouse themselves from life’s daily tasks and turn to face each other, be fully present to each other.”
Terry Real, Family Therapist

Intimacy comes when we turn towards each other. When we feel seen and heard. Consider how you might approach a child if you want to understand what they’re telling you, you bend down, get to the same level, make eye contact and listen intently, repeating back what they tell you. Too often when our partner tries to talk to us we are on our phones, continue what we are doing, watching our show, or are distracted. Tantra is mindful intimacy, when we pause, and turn to make face to face contact.

Face to face interactions communicate, I see you,
I am with you, I care about you. 

The act of taking our partner’s hands, looking into their eyes and Being, is powerfully loving. It activates the bonding hormone, oxytocin. For some, it can feel uncomfortable at first, those awkward silences that we fill with giggles, looking away, squirming and chatter. It can take practice. In our classes, we constantly hear how powerful and connected people feel, with a simple practice of eye gazing. And when people feel connected, the other tasks of managing a home, family and sexual desire and satisfaction come easier.

Tantric Tip: Set up specific times to turn towards the people important to you. This might be when you greet each other, before meals, and saying good-night. Pause, turn face to face, hold each other’s hands, take a breath together, and smile. Notice how much closer you feel to each other. Another pivotal time to mindfully connect is when you’re making a decision about how to spend the evening. Consider an activity other than screens, such as a massage, reading to each other, cuddling, and day dreaming together.

I appreciate how Thomas greets me with a loving hug when I come home from work. Anyone who sits at our table, joins us in pausing for a few breaths and eye contact before we eat. Since Thomas fractured his neck a few years ago, I don’t take for granted our future, so in the morning before I get out of bed, I turn off the alarm and we hold each other, skin to skin. I get my Thomas fix, breathing in, savoring his warmth and presence.

Face to face connection does not need to be a rare experience or reserved only for extreme situations. Enjoy the sweetness of being together. SkyDancing Tantra is particularly known for its heart to heart, face to face and mindful relating on many levels.