Have you ever had one of those moments where you thought, “Oh no, did I really just do that?”

I’ve had many, and – well, I had one of those this past weekend. It all started during a magical Tantra workshop Thomas and I were facilitating: Awakening Passion: Trust, Play & Love.

Everything was flowing beautifully—the students were connecting, exploring boundaries, and sharing heart-opening moments. We were on a roll! But then… I had a 30-second slap-in-the-face moment, and no, it wasn’t from Thomas.

Let me explain.

The 30-Second Slap

During our closing circle, everyone had limited time to share their final thoughts. Thomas, being the loving and supportive husband that he is, joked to the group that he’s learned never to time his wife. Everyone laughed, including me. He started speaking—acknowledging the courageous students and the very helpful assistants. Then, I felt it.

That familiar urge to nudge him along crept in. So, I did our secret “move it along” cue: I tapped his heel with my foot. You know, the subtle partner code.

But Thomas calmly said, “You don’t need to tap my heel,” and continued speaking.

It was like being slapped in the face with a truth bomb. How dare he call me out in front of the group?

I felt a wave of rage, immediately followed by embarrassment. Did they notice my face flush? This time, it wasn’t from his adoring words but from sheer discomfort.

Blame is a prison in which you no longer hold the keys to freedom.

The Real Slap: My Own Wake-Up Call

Then it hit me—harder than any slap ever could: I timed him. The very thing he had just joked about not doing to me, I did to him. The slap wasn’t from Thomas—it was from me; wake up, Sara!

I was rattled. Here I was, sitting in my own mess of emotions while Thomas continued singing my praises in front of the group. I could barely hear what he was saying because I felt so much shame and guilt.

And then, as if in slow motion, I started to soften. I saw in his face that even though I totally messed up, he still loved me. He wasn’t angry. He was still standing in his love. I could feel how much he cared, even if my foot tap had momentarily rattled us both.

Can I meet him in that place of love, instead of getting stuck in my own drama?

Based on my first reaction, I’m so glad I didn’t fire a dagger at Thomas. I’ve learned to contain my flash of anger, knowing there is something else under there.

I met him there, in that love, and did my best to let it in.

Looking back, I wish I’d had the presence to handle that moment differently.

What if I’d paused and apologized for stepping on his time? What if I had been more open and honest about what I was feeling?

That opportunity to apologize came later. We definitely needed to talk this through.

The Long Ride Home: Argument #17

Now, if you think we quickly made up, hugged, and were fine. Yes we hugged and — no. This is real life.

On our way home, we both felt the weight of a few unspoken tensions, those small moments that add up over time. It sounded like playing an old recording of Argument #17—the one about “feeling interrupted” and “you’re always telling me what to do.” We’ve been here before.

But this time, instead of just replaying our past arguments, we got curious. What was really under this? Why do these little things set us off?

When we take responsibility for our feelings, hurt, and shame, the path out gets clearer.

Underneath It All: What Was Helpful Isn’t Anymore

When we first started teaching together, I felt relief when Thomas chimed in to offer clarity if my guidance sounded confusing. Now, I feel like he interrupts me, taking it over as his.

Meanwhile, Thomas used to appreciate it when I planned our events and organized the schedule (can you see where this is going?). Now, he feels like I’m bossing him around or being critical. Fancy that!

We both had to admit—it’s a challenge, but we’re committed to trying to stop this pattern. We made peace with the fact that we’ll probably have Argument #17 again at some point, but hopefully, we’ll keep it shorter next time. And maybe we’ll get back to love just a little quicker.

Relationships are the crucible for growth. Often, my triggers trigger my partner. Thomas describes it well: “It’s an opportunity to alchemize a new pathway.” If only we could remember that when we were in the fire.

The Art of Returning to Love

Love is a practice, and unearthing love after a misunderstanding? That’s an art form. It takes trust, a sense of humor, and a whole lot of vulnerability. It takes recognizing that beneath the surface squabbles, we don’t mean to hurt each other, there is a foundation of love holding us. These moments are opportunities to grow closer.

In the end, all the little issues between us are nothing compared to the love we share. As the weekend workshop so beautifully emphasized, Awakening Passion is about trust, play, and love. And sometimes, it’s about messing up, owning it, and moving forward together.

Want to know a Super Hot Turn-On?
One of the hottest and most long-standing turn-ons – is being met.

The first time Thomas and I met each other, I felt that he was too intense. I lacked confidence and thought I would not stand up for what was important to me. Our balance was off.

The opposite, having a partner who was a pushover, was not satisfying either. Being with someone who was grounded in their truth and had enough backbone to stand up to me was a turn-on. 

With my growing confidence and force as a woman, I didn’t want to worry about overshadowing my partner or in any way, needing to stay small.

I wanted someone who could handle all of me, my crazy ideas, my full expression and passion, and expand and grow with me.

It wasn’t until five years after our original meeting, when our paths crossed again that I loved how Thomas “met me.” I could be big, strong, passionate, expressive, and he didn’t get small and crumble.

And, it’s hard to admit, but I appreciated that he didn’t put up with my shit, like when I was over-controlling (don’t tell him). Or when I undermined my potential.

He met me:
Emotionally:
• Lovingly supported me to express myself honestly, vulnerably, and accountably.
• When we began to sweat the small stuff, he’d lighten the mood. Or if I’d try to minimize something important, Thomas would kindly listen for the deeper truth.

Intellectually:
• Inspired new thoughts and continued personal growth.

Spirituality:
• Respectfully challenged me to believe in myself.
• Considered higher consciousness and the greater good.

Physically and sexually:
• Playfully wrestled with me, often ending in a passionate love fest.
• Sensitively moved us beyond mediocrity and kept us out of ruts.
• Reliably held me in his masculine power, allowing me to surrender into receptivity.

Being met balances power and surrender, yang and yin.

How do you like to be met?
Do you like slow, gentle caresses?
Or do you like to be ravished intensely and feel the strength of your lover?
And possibly a combination of softness and firmness turns you on.

Most of us need to feel met to feel passion. We want to feel our partner responds to our level of intensity and challenges us.

After 35 years together, I still love feeling the strength of Thomas’ body against me, his grip that matches my heat.

From Thomas’ side, he says,
“When I start to go down a rabbit hole, Sara listens to my struggle but doesn’t go down with me.

When we feel secure in our relationship, we have more intense play. She may not go skydiving with me, but she’s there as a support, watching and cheering me on.”

How are you meeting yourself?

Are you communicating your range of needs in your life?

Have you celebrated love lately?

Maybe the love in your life is a pet, friend, or family member. That’s awesome you feel that connection with someone in your life. If you are blessed to have a romantic partner, millions of people long for what you have, and this blog is especially for you. We all want someone special to talk to, touch, give love, and receive love. When have you taken a moment to pause and acknowledge the preciousness of this gift?

You are blessed to experience this rare and glorious feeling. You hold the most sought after jewel,💎 the holy grail, and the fountain of youth.

People in relationships most often live longer, feel more satisfied, and are happier.

In what ways do you celebrate or take your love for granted?

Do you remember what you felt like before you found your love?

What was it like for you to seek love? Did you enjoy the chase? Was dating titillating? Did you find your time alone as easy, or did you struggle with loneliness? Some people love playing the field, get excited by the new relationship energy, and become quickly bored with routine.

For me, the dating scene was excruciatingly painful, and I felt totally inadequate. I cringe, recalling many desperate moments. What a relief I felt when I found who I thought was my perfect partner. Then, a month before the wedding, our engagement blew up. I found myself single again. Ugh!

After some time of grief and fighting off thoughts of giving up this relationship shit, I remember thinking, I don’t want to start all over dating with social niceties and sorting through people that were not a good fit. Maybe that’s why the universe brought Thomas back into my life, and the friendship that had begun 5 years earlier was quickly reestablished without that awkward dating phase. It took a while to move out of the friend-zone and appreciate how he meets me.

I can’t imagine not having someone to talk to every night or planning my weekends and vacations alone. I hold great respect for singles looking for their love partner and sadness for those in a loveless marriage.

Alone time is sweeter, with the taste of love still on one’s lips.

Disliking being single has been a motivator to work on our long-term commitment. Margot Anand, the Grandmother of Tantra, acknowledged that Thomas and I know a depth in our relationship that she has not experienced. There are many sexual adventures that Margot has indulged in that are foreign to us. And yet, we wouldn’t trade it.

What does deep love feel like?

Love is the womb that nurtures your heart ❤️

Love is the greatest treasure and the greatest mystery. We write the most songs about love, and it’s the primary subject for movies, poetry, and books. Wars are fought for love. Families are established or torn apart for love. About $20 billion is spent each Valentine’s Day in the USA.

Love is the greatest desire and drive. Yet, when you have it, how much time do you spend feeling love. If you felt a hint that the one you loved didn’t return your affections, you’d likely feel devastated and do anything you can to win back their love.

I’ve seen countless times a spouse decides to make heroic changes that were otherwise immovable until the threat of losing their love. How many times they’d say, “I’ll do anything for you,” but they wouldn’t take out the garbage, change their money habits or stop the affair until their relationship is at risk.

There is a rich quality and fullness of love that is readily available by BEING in love. Allow your body to absorb the fullness and sweetness of love. BE with and savor the feeling as you touch, see the twinkle in the eye, smell the pleasantness of love. And remarkably, speak of the deliciousness of your love! We would have fewer unhappy relationships if we spent more time nurturing our loved one.

Even if your love is for a friend, a special place, or something you love to do, cultivate appreciation and gratitude. With Tantra, even a sip can be savored for its preciousness. Or we may choose to drive into love and immerse ourselves completely.

I’ve been trying to acknowledge my beloved more often. And when Thomas is loving me up, I try to respond in kind even when it’s not always the most convenient time or my love language. The more we celebrate love, the more love there is to enjoy.

It’s an ongoing exploration. As our mentor, Steve Carter, would say, “How much more can you love?”

Face to Face Connection

Why do people looking for connection, come to SkyDancing® Tantra?

There are many ways in which Tantra builds connection, whether you are a couple or single. Most frequently acknowledged is the simple act of mindful face to face interaction.

Even when you spend hours a day with someone, you can feel disconnected, alone, and you miss deeper relating. As much as you try to communicate, plan a date night, go to a movie, a concert, a drive together, still you feel an absence of true connection.

Studies show that most of relationship interactions are oriented side by side. That we go through life facing forward rather than turning towards each other. There is an element of parallel orientation when we take care of the home, the kids, sit side by side on the couch, or spend more time looking at our screens than each other. This is not enough quality engagement to sustain a fulfilling relationship. 

Couples turn towards each other when we are courting, during an affair, or in crisis. At these times we are more deeply engaged with each other rather than what’s going on around us. Ironically, most couples who don’t make time for each other day to day, will drop everything and are willing to do almost everything if there is a fidelity threat to their relationship. Rather than waiting for partner dissatisfaction, there are simple actions we can do everyday.

“For passion to spark, the couple needs to move from side-by-side energy to nose-to-nose energy. The partners most rouse themselves from life’s daily tasks and turn to face each other, be fully present to each other.”
Terry Real, Family Therapist

Intimacy comes when we turn towards each other. When we feel seen and heard. Consider how you might approach a child if you want to understand what they’re telling you, you bend down, get to the same level, make eye contact and listen intently, repeating back what they tell you. Too often when our partner tries to talk to us we are on our phones, continue what we are doing, watching our show, or are distracted. Tantra is mindful intimacy, when we pause, and turn to make face to face contact.

Face to face interactions communicate, I see you,
I am with you, I care about you. 

The act of taking our partner’s hands, looking into their eyes and Being, is powerfully loving. It activates the bonding hormone, oxytocin. For some, it can feel uncomfortable at first, those awkward silences that we fill with giggles, looking away, squirming and chatter. It can take practice. In our classes, we constantly hear how powerful and connected people feel, with a simple practice of eye gazing. And when people feel connected, the other tasks of managing a home, family and sexual desire and satisfaction come easier.

Tantric Tip: Set up specific times to turn towards the people important to you. This might be when you greet each other, before meals, and saying good-night. Pause, turn face to face, hold each other’s hands, take a breath together, and smile. Notice how much closer you feel to each other. Another pivotal time to mindfully connect is when you’re making a decision about how to spend the evening. Consider an activity other than screens, such as a massage, reading to each other, cuddling, and day dreaming together.

I appreciate how Thomas greets me with a loving hug when I come home from work. Anyone who sits at our table, joins us in pausing for a few breaths and eye contact before we eat. Since Thomas fractured his neck a few years ago, I don’t take for granted our future, so in the morning before I get out of bed, I turn off the alarm and we hold each other, skin to skin. I get my Thomas fix, breathing in, savoring his warmth and presence.

Face to face connection does not need to be a rare experience or reserved only for extreme situations. Enjoy the sweetness of being together. SkyDancing Tantra is particularly known for its heart to heart, face to face and mindful relating on many levels.