We just returned from facilitating Touching Desire: The Art of Pleasure, where some participants were dipping their toes into Tantra for the first time, while others had explored Tantra before and were excited to finally experience SkyDancing Tantra.
Even when people arrive trying to manage their expectations, it’s wonderful to watch them soften into the comfort of the group—and then light up as the experience surpasses what they imagined.
“Every couple and single should try a similar workshop at least once. It expands life’s perception.”
— Vladimir V.
In the realm of personal growth, it’s often how we meet the edges of our comfort zone that makes the difference.
And this weekend, we saw a particular edge come up again and again:
What do I actually want?
When Desire Isn’t So Simple
One of the central explorations in Touching Desire is developing awareness of our desires and learning to ask for what we want.
That sounds simple.
It isn’t.
As participants explored giving and receiving, the questions became much bigger than touch:
What do I want?
Am I allowed to want it?
Do I deserve to receive it?
Can I ask, knowing the answer might be no?
Many of us simply haven’t had much practice.
From a young age, so many choices are made for us—what to eat, what to wear, how to behave, when to speak, and how we may or may not be touched.
Of course, children need structure and guidance. But there is a difference between saying no to a request and making the desire itself wrong.
Imagine a child asking for something that isn’t possible right now. Instead of, “No, we can’t do that,” we might respond:
“That sounds wonderful. We can’t do it today. Let’s find another time.”
The desire has been heard, even though the answer wasn’t yes.
What My Mother Taught Me About Desire
My mother taught me a simple version of this years ago.
When someone asks you for something, she said, don’t lead with what you can’t do. Tell them what you can do.
Instead of:
“No, I can’t get together Thursday.”
Try:
“I’d love to see you. Would Friday or Monday work?”
I’ve always appreciated the difference.
One closes a door. The other stays connected to the desire and looks for possibility.
Desire and Deserving
The Art of Pleasure is a dance between desire and receiving.
Between those two are communication, boundaries, choice—and something even more personal:
Do I believe I deserve to ask?
In Tantra, desire doesn’t have to be something we suppress, judge, or apologize for.
And celebrating a desire doesn’t mean it has to be fulfilled.
Desire gives us information.
It can show us what brings greater vitality, connection, pleasure, creativity, and aliveness. When we become more aware of our desires, we also become more capable of making conscious choices about them.
“Tantra can help you find things about yourself that you didn’t realize were even available.”
— Andrea
Perhaps that’s one of the gifts of exploring our desires: discovering possibilities within ourselves that we didn’t know were there.
Finding Your Voice
We are grateful for the people who were willing to meet those edges with us this weekend.
For some, growth meant recognizing what they wanted.
For others, it was finding the courage to say it aloud.
For another, it might have been receiving without immediately worrying about the other person.
And sometimes the growth was simply recognizing:
My desires matter. My boundaries matter. My pleasure matters. My voice matters.
That doesn’t mean we always get what we want.
It means we can listen to ourselves with enough love and respect to discover what is true—and then bring that awareness into relationship with another person.
That is where desire becomes much more than wanting.
It becomes part of knowing ourselves.
So here’s an exploration for you:
What do you want more of in your life?
More tenderness?
More adventure?
More rest?
More pleasure?
More honesty?
More connection?
More time to yourself?
Notice what happens in your body when you ask.
Before deciding whether it’s practical, appropriate, affordable, or possible, see if you can simply let yourself want.
Listen.
Your desire doesn’t have to become a demand or even an action.
For this moment, perhaps it can simply be heard.
Continue the Exploration
Wherever your exploration takes you, perhaps it begins with one question:
What do I really want—and am I willing to listen to the answer?
❤️ Sara & Thomas
