Got this from a colleague of mine and it’s so apropos of what I work with in my sessions with people that I thought it would be good to repost here.
Many boundary classes that we take in this new world of consent operate from top down (mind down to the body).
I am a “yes” for this and a “no” for that… we are negotiating with ideas of what would eventually feel good or bad as we imagine it in the future. This is awesome. It’s an important step forward from where we have been.
Yet, usually what ends up coming in is that those ideas are based upon a traumatic projection on the future that we want to avoid, and keep avoiding.
It ends up becoming a way to control the potential future from my terrible past. Here, there isn’t much room for spontaneity, especially when we feel controlled.
What we are working with in Embodied Intimacy are Embodied Boundaries — boundaries from the bottom up (from the body up to the mind).
Boundaries are dynamic, they represent waves coming and going, sometimes I have a yes for this, then a hell yes for that and a hell no there.
We are alive, and that aliveness is the path to intimacy.
We are in a constant relationship with everything. Relating is everything. Wherever you are you are relating.
So what we really want to emphasize then is that when you are grounded, when you have a spine, you are centered, you can apply defensive boundaries or somatic resources, then this animal is like… ok, I got you, I have in-tell-igence, I can tell inside and begin to listen and trust my yes and my no.
When we add this dimension of dynamic boundaries to relating, it becomes really fun. Then we make mistakes but they are not violations to be punished for, it’s me trying to figure out how to best love you.
We are constantly trying to figure out how best to love one another by updating the old programs of the past with the more alive raw intelligence of the present moment.
Because the truth is that I don’t know how to love you. And this “I” that I’m talking about is the program that was created in the past.
Would you actually like me to know how to love you? Would you like me to treat you like an object? Would you like to be objectified by my traumatic history and be treated accordingly? How fun is that?
We start in truth.
When we are scared and hooked on the story, we keep projecting it… it has our teeth in its flesh. In some cases we cannot do anything but to just feel ourselves back into our bodies to create room for our vulnerabilities.
We can create an environment that has the power to heal through love — because when I take off my mask, I’m taking the mask off you too. Its instant, your human heart responds.
Just like when you see a wounded animal on the side of the street –– how can I hold you and help you heal that wing? I really want to see you fly, because when you fly its like heaven, happiness comes when with generous giving, giving everything you got, its not taking its just the abundance of the human heart.
Come, take off your mask with us.