A few weeks ago, after teaching a SkyDancing Tantra weekend workshop, many of the participants acknowledged that one of the main things they were taking away from the seminar was a new sense of appreciation for listening to their body. Tuning into their body’s sensations to ascertain the best path. Reading their internal compass for guidance.
It struck me how simple this seems and yet how rare it can be. To really listen to the cues that are always available and deeply grounded in our true essence. It’s as if we have a GPS that’s set in the direction of our highest good, but we often don’t really listen. Many times, we get lost in our heads and try to think our way through life ignoring our body’s messages, “proceed to the route.”
One way it shows up for me is after a long days work, when all I want to do is go home and stuff my face with some junk food. When I choose to meditate, even for 10 minutes, I feel centered and no longer crave that unconscious indulgence. Listening to my higher self and personal needs gets more complicated when it involves another person or during intimate moments, emotionally or physically.
Slowing down and listening to what is right in each moment is a developed skill.
Here in Minnesota, during our last Tantra Community Night, we explored this concept of deep listening. It was a great group of people who, through their listening, discovered personal ways to integrate with self and others. When we are aligned with our true selves we feel a sense of integration. When we aren’t, there is a disconnect, a differentiation. We all desire connection and yet it must be right for both people for meaningful integration to occur.
One person voiced appreciation for deep soul connection that he felt and doesn’t get in his normal life. Another person liked how they were given time to consider exactly how they wanted to connect, talk about it with her partner prior to coming together, so she could relax with confidence about meeting each other’s desires. Even with someone she had just met.
Afterwards, as Thomas and I were home, making love, I noticed we were sliding into one of our most recent patterns. Which is easy to do after 29 years together. I had an yearning for something slightly different. Being in the moment of Tantra, I followed that impulse. Even if this change was more for my pleasure. We have learned to enjoy each of us leading the lovemaking dance at different times.
The art of taking turns, directing our own needs, can lead to greater fulfillment.
But how long is my turn? Having grown up in a large family, who had limited resources, it is challenging for me to take my time. My deprivation mentality shows up in our bedroom with me too often thinking that I am taking away from Thomas’ experience. Fortunately, we have learned to enjoy seeing our beloved take pleasure.
After a bit, I felt an internal nudging. The loving integration I had been feeling was being replaced as I began to wonder if he was getting enough out of it. This question interfered with my enjoyment. So, I asked. Actually, used my voice. Something I would not have always done, erroneously believing that talking might ruin the mood. Thomas’ resounding “yes, this feels good,” released any differentiation, the disconnect that my mind had created. My body relaxed, opening my inner channel, the superhighway to ecstasy. This made way for the heavens to open up, a direct route for SkyDancing.
Learn to open your inner channel with Timeless Loving: An Introduction to SkyDancing Tantra