Clearly something needs to change, I told myself. I had a dream about blood and mucus dripping from me and I was trying to clean it off my shoes realizing, “I need to work less.” The amount of hours I work and the responsibility I feel is killing me. I find myself thinking, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a heart attack.
Something has to change. But what?? I have tried to figure this out for a few years. I feel trapped in a job that provides the benefits for the family. The things I’d prefer to do don’t provide enough income to replace the benefits and salary. I don’t see a way out of the daily grind, this trap.
I am so stuck on this question. How do I find an answer? What do I do? Like any good evolved being – whine, complain and cry. Not this time! Chakra Wisdom to the rescue. I will ask my chakras the question to get clear answers from different aspects of myself and my inner wisdom.
Great, now what is the question? “How can I work less?” That answer is too easy – quit my job. It’s more complex than that. What does working give me that I don’t want to give up? Security. So the question is, “How can I feel more secure and work less?” But that could mean personally secure. “To trust in myself and all will be taken care of???” I’m not ready to give up the belief that some external security is needed. “Just trust myself,” doesn’t work for me. I still need money to feel secure. Okay, I will add a qualifier – “How can I feel more secure – financially and work less?” I understand it may mean I need to do less. I am a doer. Constantly filling every moment. Never enough time to do it all.
Lately, I notice I am often more stressed on my days off because I am trying to get so much done I get frazzled by the end of the day realizing I haven’t gotten to a lot of the stuff I want to do. As my work schedule has expanded into my free time the free time becomes more precious and I am less able to feel fulfilled.
Now that I have the question, I begin my Chakra Wisdom – while running. It is the time of the week when I can go for a run so I do both. I have found it is effective for me so long as I stay focused on the guided meditation. Sometimes that means replaying sections if I get distracted or stopping and writing down the answers so I don’t have to work to remember them.
Since I haven’t run in a while, tonight I was thinking of running all the way around the lake. It’s a big commitment once I start the eight mile journey. Sometimes I feel quite miserable by the time I stop. Other times I feel proud of accomplishing a big achievement. Yet, as I approach the choice point of possibly taking a shorter route I am faced with my dilemma, my question, “How to not work so hard?” The fear comes up that if I don’t commit to the longer distance, where I can’t take a short cut, I may fall short. Short? I find myself saying, “Sara, your problem is you push yourself too hard; not that you fall short.” I decide I need to listen to myself about not pressuring myself to work hard and take the shorter route. Also, with the knowledge that I can add on more loops if I feel like it as I go.
I ran, stopping and writing, dreaming about possibilities, running and asking the question in each chakra. The answers came to me. They included, to trust the universe to provide – and myself that I will provide in some way. I can let go of this being the only way. I am a worker and a doer. When I present myself to the world from a place of love and creativity I will be compensated. I have many skills that people are happy to receive. My efforts need to be redistributed to a direction of building myself rather than maintaining stability. Everything is possible. I have been holding myself back for some time so I can’t begin to imagine of what I am capable. I don’t need to know the details of – how – at this time. Through ongoing meditations, my energy work and building community, the path will become clearer.
In the end I ran farther than if I had gone around the lake. Imagine that! I let go of my fear, my pressure to achieve, and was open to possibilities. Being in the moment about what feels right and see what happens.